


of stardust & supernovas

by okayhotshot



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergent, F/M, Still canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-09 14:39:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8894539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayhotshot/pseuds/okayhotshot
Summary: At the age of eighteen, Jyn Erso is faced with a choice: she can either submit to the Imperials and go to prison, or she can join the Alliance. With a desire to make her parents proud, she decides to team up with the Rebels. Once there, she's assigned to join Rebel Intelligence with Cassian Andor and things aren't exactly smooth sailing. The two never seem to see eye-to-eye but Jyn is determined to prove herself. What would have happened if Jyn joined the Rebellion sooner? A story about what could have been.





	1. Yes, Sir.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello all! I hope you enjoy chapter one!

It’s almost like she’s there, back in that moment when the wind was whipping her hair and scolding her face as she ran as fast as her little legs could carry her as she reached the house and told her parents what they already knew. 

**_“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”_ **

But she’s not there, she’s dozing off on her way to the Rebel Alliance base, and a loud thump and a large amount of turbulence causes her head to slam against the wall of the ship, waking her up instantly. She blinks her eyes as they adjust to the dim light in the cargo hold, but her father's words are playing over and over in her mind. 

**_“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”_ **

**_“I understand.”_ **

She hates when she dreams about her father. It’s easier for her to believe that he died that day like her mother did. She can often pretend that’s the case. But even at such a young age, she knew the Empire was after her father for a reason. He was important to them. If he was expendable, they wouldn’t have tried so hard to find him. They wouldn’t have gone into hiding. It’s her dreams of that day that tell her the truth. Her father is alive and probably still working for the Imperials. 

“Erso,” a voice says over the comlink. “We’re here. Get your stuff together.” 

She rolls her eyes. These rebels have a way of getting under her skin, but it’s better than the alternative. She’s been on the streets by herself for the past two years. Ever since Saw left her in the bunker she’s been fighting on her own, trying her best to survive. She became a common criminal in no time. She had to steal to eat, had to fight off Stormtroopers when they asked too many questions. It was either join the Alliance and go underground or go to an Imperial labor camp. 

She tries not to dwell too much on her dream as she gathers her things. She hadn’t taken much out of her bag except the only blanket that she has. The cargo hold was a little chilly. 

She reaches underneath her shirt until her fingers find the kyber crystal that is underneath. She closes her eyes as they encase it, thinking of the last words her mother said to her. 

**_“Trust the Force.”_ **

For many years she’s started to believe that the Force and herself have a different list of priorities, but she’s still tried to trust it when she can. Maybe that’s what got her this far, perhaps that’s what told her to join the Rebels. Or maybe it was just quick thinking on her part. She’d like to believe that it was the Force, but she’s learned that it’s not always on her side. 

“We’re landing.” 

The comlink goes dead after that and Jyn stands, grabbing onto the nearest thing to her as the ship lands smoothly. She’s thankful she’s not getting bumped around anymore. It had been almost impossible to go to sleep at first. She isn’t sure how long this pilot has been flying, but he’s not exactly perfect. Not that she has any room to talk. She couldn’t do any better. 

The back of the ship opens and there’s a crowd around it already. She should have known better than to use her given name. She should have said she was someone else, there wouldn’t be murmurs now as she steps off and looks around at the base. It’s larger than she expected, and there’s far more people here and than she ever thought possible. This fight must be larger than she ever knew it was. 

An older lady, dressed in nothing but white, steps forward, a soft smile on her face. “Jyn Erso?”

“Yes,” Jyn says, fists wrapped tightly around the strap of her bag. She’s nervous but she doesn’t want to admit it. “Who are you?” 

“I’m Senator Mon Mothma,” she says. “I wanted to welcome you to the Alliance.”

Jyn nods, shifting a little where she stands, glancing down at the ground. “Thanks,” she mutters. “I guess this way I can actually help instead of slaving away for the Imperials.” 

“A wise choice,” Mon says, gesturing for Jyn to follow her and she does. 

She’s not really in a position to make choices anymore. She knows that. She doesn’t really believe the Rebels would turn her over to the Imperials but she’s not used to people looking out for her. Not anymore. Saw used to, but that was a long time ago now. She’s been on her own long enough to feel jaded and she doesn’t see that feeling going away anytime soon. 

She follows the Senator into the base, her eyes are darting everywhere. From the equipment to the people that are rushing around. She doesn’t know what they’re doing, but she can only assume it’s important and vital to the cause at hand. 

“What is all of this?” Jyn asks. 

“It takes quite a lot for the Rebellion to work,” Mon says. “We have your record on file. We can only assume you don’t know much about all of this.” 

“I know nothing about it,” she admits as the senator comes to a halt. She does as well, surprised that the woman is turning to look at her. 

“We are taking quite the chance with you, Jyn. We know your father works for the Empire.” 

“I haven't seen or heard from him in eleven years,” Jyn says. “I told you that. What reason would I have to offer myself to the Rebellion? If I was going to infiltrate your forces I would have used my other name. I'm not stupid. You have nothing to fear.”

“Smart,” a voice says from behind Mon, and Jyn practically cranes her neck to look, but she can't see anything but a dark head of hair. 

“Captain Andor, we weren't expecting you back from your mission so soon,” Mon says, turning a little, finally revealing to Jyn who is speaking. 

He’s handsome, that she first thing Jyn notices. He's tall with dark brown eyes and a kind face. But she can tell that the man isn't paying her a compliment, if anything, he might be talking down to her. 

“It went much smoother than we expected,” he tells Mon before stepping towards Jyn, raising an eyebrow. “This is Jyn Erso? I didn't expect her to be so scrappy.”

Jyn’s eyes widen in surprise at his words. She takes back everything she said about him being handsome. “Excuse me? It's not like you’re much to look at either.”

Cassian smirks slightly as he walks around her, almost like he's checking out a new ship that he wants to buy. “Your little story about how you would infiltrate our troops. You come up with that on our own?”

“Yes,”’ she practically hisses in response. “What business is it of yours?” 

“The Rebellion’s business is my business and since you're now a part of the Rebellion, your business is also my business,” he replies as he comes to a stop in front of her. “That was a smart idea, the one you mentioned. Sounds like you've posed as someone before.”

“Sounds like you know my record,” Jyn counters easily. 

“Forgery of Imperial documents? Resisting arrest?” he asks. “I could list more, Jyn Erso, but I think you know what I would say.”

“Why the interrogation?” 

“If I was interrogating you, you would know it,” Cassian says. “I'm just stating facts, making sure I have them straight.”

“Captain Andor, there's no need for this,” Mon says, clearly not pleased with the way they're interacting. 

“Who is this?” Jyn asks, glancing over at Mon Mothma. 

“This is Captain Cassian Andor, head of rebel intelligence,” Mon says, crossing her arms over her chest. “He was supposed to be on a mission, not hazing the new recruits.”

“I've been recruiting for the Rebellion for a long time, senator,” Cassian says. “It’s a habit not easily broken.” 

“Well,  **Captain** , I’m perfectly capable of telling them what they need to know,” Jyn says, eyes narrowed in his direction. She’s not known to trust very easily, but that doesn't mean she's going to around butting into people’s files and asking them questions about their past. 

“I'm sure you are,” Cassian replies. “That doesn't mean that either them, or myself, has to trust what you say.”

“You're not the only people putting your faith in something you know nothing about,” Jyn says, eyes never once leaving the captain’s face. “I know nothing of the Rebellion except that they want to Empire destroyed. I'm stepping in blindly and hoping that maybe I can help. Trust goes both ways, Captain.”

"Me estás vacilando?” Cassian mutters under his breath. She doesn't know what he's saying, but she's sure it’s not pleasant. 

“Fair enough,” he finally says. “I have a report to do. I had better get going.”

“Wait just a second, Cassian. I was actually going to come and find you once you returned from Coruscant,” Mon says. “But since you're already here, I can talk to you now.” 

“About?”

“About Miss Erso,” she says, almost as if he should have realized this. “I want her to work with you. She's been flying under the radar for years. I’m sure she’ll be an excellent addition to your team.”

Cassian laughs, a smile working its way across his lips. “You're joking,” he says. “Very funny.”

But Mon simply gives him a look that seems to say it all and Jyn is almost positive that he's cursing in whatever language it is he’s speaking. He looks between Jyn and Mon before his gaze finally settles on the senator. 

“You’re serious.” 

“I am,” Mon says, and if Jyn didn’t know any better she would say that the woman was smirking. But she can’t be sure, she’s a little too focused on the fact that she’s going to be working for the Alliance with someone who has done nothing but insult her and doubt her and insult since they’ve been introduced. 

“What kind of work would I be doing exactly?” Jyn interrupts before Cassian can get another word in. 

“Mostly the same thing you’ve been doing, smuggling information, keeping up contacts, finding things and people that are vital to the survival of this Rebellion,” Mon explains. “And sometimes that includes changing your name and going undercover, and we all know you’re good at that, Miss Erso.” 

Jyn nods, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she tries her best to hold her tongue. She doesn’t really have a choice. She’s young and a wanted criminal and working with Cassian Andor would be better than going to prison. At least she’ll be somewhat free here. She’ll be able to be her own person. She won’t have to mind everything she does or says. She knows she’ll have to stay far more in line than she usually does. 

“Sounds easy enough,” Jyn says with a shrug, just knowing that it would get under Captain Andor’s skin. 

“Easy? You think it is easy, what I do?” Cassian says, stepping in, his brows furrowed. “You are sadly mistaken. It’s hard and training will be hard. If you’re going to be one of my spies, you’re going to do it my way. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Jyn says, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. 

Even though this man can’t be more than five years older than her, he’s treating her like a child and talking to her like she doesn’t understand anything. If she knew she would get away with it, she would smack him, do something, but she doesn’t. 

“Oh, I’m sure this will work out very well,” Cassian bites back, turning to look at Mon once again. “Thank you so much, senator.” 

Before anyone can say another word, Cassian is walking away, leaving Mon looking baffled and Jyn with a small smirk on her face. 

“There was no need to antagonize him, you know,” Mon says. Jyn can’t deny the stern look on the senator’s face, but her smile only grows a little bigger. 

“I know there wasn’t,” Jyn says. “But I get very few pleasures in life. Let me have this.”

"Things won’t work out if you continue acting like that,” Mon says, shaking her head. “I will show you the way to your quarters, and I’m sure you’ll be up bright and early tomorrow to train a bit with Captain Andor.”

“Oh, joy,” Jyn says as she starts after Mon Mothma down the hallway, eyes darting around to all of the people they pass. She’s tempted to keep her eyes on the ground, maybe then she won’t see the skeptical looks and hear the whispers as she passes by. But she’s going to deal with that until she manages to prove herself, and really pledge herself to the cause. 

“What wonderful enthusiasm,” Mon says as she finally stops in front of a door. “I’m sure in time, you’ll have someone staying with you, but for now, these are your quarters and yours alone. I’ll call you on the comlink later and let you know when and where you should meet Captain Andor in the morning.”

Jyn nods and bids the senator goodbye before opening the door and stepping into her quarters. It’s a very small room. There’s two twin beds on either side and what appears to be a desk at the back. There’s an old chair in the corner and a couple of shelves where she can put her things. She wonders just how intricate and funded the Rebellion is if they have things like this. 

She tosses her bag on one of the shelves before kicking off her boots and sitting down on the edge of the nearest twin bed. She knows this is the right thing to do, so why does she feel so hesitant?

She’d never admit it outloud, but part of the reason she decided on the Rebellion instead of Imperial Prison was she hoped that maybe she could do something that her parents could be proud of. Her mother, gone so fast, and her father taken from her at such a young age. She wants to make them proud. She wants to be more than a common criminal. Even if her father didn’t’ choose the same path. 

**_“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”_ **

**_“I understand.”_ **

And she wishes that she really did. 


	2. Ladies First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The response to Chapter One was overwhelming! I hope that you guys enjoy this next chapter! Thank you for all your support!

**_“They have a child! Find it!”_ **

Krennic’s voice echoes throughout the mountains. She can still hear him shouting even as she runs towards the cave. Fast feet and tiny legs don’t get her very far that quickly, however, and she can hear the Death Troopers starting to swarm in. She tries to push herself faster, harder, but she almost doesn’t make it. She can hear the buzz of their helmets as they try to communicate with each other. 

She remembers each step they took towards her hiding place. Peeking through the crack, she could hear the crunch of their boots against the dirt, their labored breathing through the static, and they stop just before they stop, seemingly done looking. 

She remembers the cold draft that blew through the bunker. The thin blanket in her pack wasn’t enough to keep her warm, but she persisted. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying not to think of her mother’s body lying in the field in front of their house, trying not to think about her father and where they might be taking and what they might be doing to him. 

She recalls fiddling with the lantern as darkness fell and the sunlight stopped straining to reach through the small crack at the top of the cellar. She remembers the screeching of the hinges and her heart nearly stopping and then…

She wakes with a start before she sees Saw’s face. The insistent beeping of her alarm is what does it. She reaches out a hand and slams down the off button before letting out a long groan. This is the first time she’s slept nearly peacefully in a long time, and now it’s over early because Cassian Andor wants to train her. What can he teach her that Saw didn’t? 

Thinking of him hurts as well. The last time she saw her guardian, they were being attacked. He hid her in a bunker, gave her a blaster, and told her to wait until daylight. She thought he would come back, but he never did. She looked for him, tried to use her skills to find him, but he had disappeared like sand between her fingers. 

She pushes herself into a sitting position and stretches her arms above her head, arching her back until it cracks. Letting out a soft sigh, she slips on her boots and pulls her hair into a tiny bun on the back of her head. 

A yawn escapes her as she opens the door to her quarters and stumbles into the hallway, her adjusting to the much brighter light outside. She doesn’t see anyone so she decides to just stumble around until she can find a mess hall or someone she can ask for food. She doesn’t know how this works, but she’s starving. 

She finds her way back to the front of the base where they entered yesterday. There are a couple of people wandering around, but they way they look at her tells her that conversation might not be welcome. She knows her father is notorious for working with Empire, but that doesn’t mean she is. But it’s almost as if she’s walking around in an Imperial uniform. She guesses she can’t really blame them. She doesn’t really trust them either. Not yet. 

_ Trust goes both ways.  _

The words she spat at Andor yesterday are playing back in her head. And they ring true now more than ever. She won’t trust them until they trust her. She thinks the only person on this base that trusts her right now is Mon Mothma and she knows that’s very limited. No one likes her, no one knows her. She’s not sure if she’s pleased with that or not. She should be. That’s the way things have been for the past two years, but maybe she misses someone caring about her, to actually staying instead of running. 

She turns around to head back down the hallway, when she hears chatter coming from the other side of the room. She can’t help but turn to look, and sees a girl, not much younger than she is, following an older man across the room.

“But, dad,” she girl says. ‘“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Let me do  _ something _ .”

“I know you are,” the man says. “But there’s nothing for you to do currently. You can’t join Rebel Intelligence because you’re a princess. You’d be recognized immediately.”

Jyn becomes a little more interested when she hears this girl is a princess and finds herself straining to listen as they stop in the middle of the room to talk. The girl is very pretty with an extravagant hair-do and big, brown eyes. Jyn bets her father is having to beat the suitors away with a stick. 

“I know that, but isn’t there anything else?”

“Why don’t you focus on your studies, Leia?” he inquires. “You have to potential to be a great senator. Your efforts for the Rebellion will be much more beneficial if you are in a position of power.”

“Alright,” the girl says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Maybe I’ll sit in on Captain Andor’s training session today while I do my work?”

“I don’t think he would mind,” the man says, bending down to give his daughter a kiss on the top of the head. “I have to get going. Behave.”Leia mumbles something in reply that Jyn can’t quite make out before the man walks past her, giving her a friendly nod. Jyn tries her best to give him a smile in return, but she’s sure she falls short. She turns around and watches as he walks off, until she hears a voice once again. 

“Who are you?”

Jyn whips around to face the younger girl who is now standing much closer than she had been a few moments ago. Jyn is a little startled. The girl is staring at her, almost like she’s trying to figure out who she is, and she watches as a small smile works its way onto her face.“You’re Jyn Erso.”

“The one and only,” Jyn replies. “And you’re a princess. At least that’s what I heard.”

“Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan,” the girl says, reaching out a hand to shake Jyn’s. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“I think you’re the first person to tell me that,” Jyn says. “Everyone else around here seems to have complex about me. Or is this the way they treat all the daughters of Imperials?”

Leia laughs lightly. “I wouldn’t make those kinds of jokes around Mon Mothma,” Leia says. “And maybe not Cassian either.”

“Oh, no. I’m making them around Cassian,” Jyn says. “The more I can get under his skin, the better.”

“I take it you two didn’t get off to the best start?”

“He called me scrappy and proceeded to interrogate me,” Jyn replies. “I’m not partial to insults, no matter where they come from.”

“I’m sure he meant well,” Leia says. “Cassian has been recruiting for the Rebellion for years now. He’s never pleased about people coming that he knows nothing about.”

“I just wish he and the rest of the base knew that I’m not my father,” Jyn says, surprising herself. She’s always been impulsive, but oversharing have never been something that she’s done, but Leia doesn’t seem to be put off by it at all. 

“I’m sure they will, in time,” Leia says, a soft smile on her face. “Don’t worry about them. I trust you and so does my father and Mon Mothma does as well.”

“You trust me?”

“Of course,” Leia replies. “You have no reason to lie.”

“I beg to differ,” Jyn says. “I could be making up everything to avoid going to prison.” 

“You could be, but you're not,” Leia says, almost like she knows it to be fac. “And even if you were, we’re in no position to turn down recruits. We’re building an army to match the Empire’s. We need all the help we can get.”

Jyn is blown away but the young girl’s speech, and finds herself shaking her head. “How old are you?”

“Fifteen,” Leia answers. “Why?”

“Because you talk like you’re thirty,” Jyn says with a smirk. “I like it. Your father’s probably right. You’ll be one hell of a politician.”

“That’s the idea,” Leia replies. “Even if I don’t become a senator, I’m going to be queen someday. Might as well get used to it now.”

“Don’t you ever have any fun?” Jyn asks, admittedly curious as to what the princess’ life is like. She’s never met any royalty before, so this is a first for her. And talking to Leia is much better than wandering aimlessly around the base for the next hour until she has to meet up with Cassian. 

“Of course,” Leia says, a mischievous glint in her eye. “It’s part of the reason I’m here. I might have staged a walkout at school over the nutritional value of their lunches, and I got suspended.”

“That’s fun for you?”

“I wasn’t finished,” Leia says, her smile growing ever wider. “The first night of my suspension I might have snuck out to go to a party. As much as I do care about the cause, and my people, I like to have fun as much as the next person.”

Jyn smiles at this, nodding her head in approval. “So your father drug you along to the base to keep you from getting into anymore trouble.” 

“Exactly,” Leia confirms. “And I hate being at the base and not doing something to help the Alliance. It feels like I’m just...bothering them.”

“I’m sure they’ll find something for you to do,” Jyn says. “But for now maybe you can tell me where to go to get some food. I have to meet Andor in an hour and I’m starving.”

“Of course,” the younger girl says, gesturing for Jyn to follow her back down the hallway the way she came. “I could give you a whole tour later if you want.”

“How big is the base?”

“Not sure of the exact measurements,” Leia says. “But it’s quite large. The first time my father brought me here, I was in awe. I’m still not positive that I’ve seen all of it.”

“It’s pretty impressive,” Jyn admits. “And the Empire doesn’t know you’re here?”

 

“If they do, they haven’t made any moves to shut us down,” Leia replies easily. “This isn’t the only base we’ve had, and it won’t be the last. They always find us. Someway, somehow.”

Jyn doesn’t know what to say so she stays silent, letting her eyes scan the base as they make their way through it. There’s so much equipment, so many people. She can’t help but wonder how it all works, how they think they’re going to take down the Empire. It seems impossible. She’s seen how many places the Imperial flag flies, she tries not to notice, but she does. How is this a fight that they can win? 

She doesn’t say any of this, however. It’s not her place and if she showed so much doubt about the Alliance, they may be inclined to throw her back on the streets and let the Imperials take her to jail. And if the Imperials find out who she is, she’s as good as dead. 

“Here’s the mess hall,” Leia says, pushing the button to open the door and they both step inside. It’s not very crowded. Most of the others must not have to be up this early, or maybe she’s just late. Leia tells her to sit and she does, choosing a table close to the front. The stares from the few people around her are enough to make her sit as far away from them as possible. She’s never experienced anything like this before. But she wonders if this is what school was like. She never had the luxury of a proper education. Just what her father and mother taught her and later Saw. 

“Here. Eat up. Cassian’s probably going to work you hard today,” Leia says, sitting a tray down in front of Jyn. 

Jyn is surprised to see quite the helping of scrambled eggs and toast. She feels like she hasn’t eaten in days, and maybe she hasn’t. She mutters a thank you to Leia before digging in, not caring if she’s still getting stares. 

“What exactly does his training include?” Jyn asks through a mouthful of eggs and Leia raises an eyebrow and shakes her head at her before answering. 

"Depends, really. He’ll see what you know, first of all,” Leia says. “Probably see how you are in hand-to-hand, how well you use a blaster, and things like that. And then the real work begins. How to go undercover, how to blend in, how to make contacts if you don’t already have them.”

“I have contacts,” Jyn says, taking another bite of her breakfast before grabbing at the glass of milk on her tray. “I’ve had to make them in order to survive. They might not be the kind of contacts you’re used to, but they get things done. They’ll be helpful.”

“Then maybe Cassian doesn’t have his work cut out for him,” Leia says, folding her hands on top of the table. “He seems to think he does.”

“He’s in for quite the surprise.”

***

  
“You’re late.”

It’s the first thing she hears as she and Leia approach him in the main room of the base, and Jyn has to use all of her strength to keep from rolling her eyes. She’s maybe a minute late, and what did he expect her to do? Skip breakfast? Not a chance. This is the first time she’s had meals at her disposal. She’s going to take advantage of that.

“That would be my fault, Captain Andor,” Leia says with a smile at the older man. “I took her to the mess. I thought she might like to eat.” 

“Don’t make excuses for her, Leia. She has to be on time if she’s serious about this,” Cassian says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Jyn lets out a huff of laughter, mimicking his actions, standing as tall as her small legs and torso will allow her. Unfortunately, Cassian still has to look down at her. And she has to admit, he’s stare is a little intimidating. 

“Is something funny, Erso?” 

“Just that your pants are in a twist because I’m here a minute after you expected me to be,” Jyn replies easily. 

“I knew you weren’t going to be able to do this,” Cassian says, his arms falling to his sides. “No puedo creer que esto sea real.”

“What language is that?” Jyn asks, narrowing her eyes. She’s heard several dialects in her travels and even speaks a few, but she’s not familiar with the language that Cassian is speaking. 

“Español,” Cassian says, and when Jyn still doesn’t seem to understand what he’s saying. “It’s Spanish. Very few people still speak it.” 

“Pretty,” Jyn muses. 

“Gracias,” Cassian responds, and Jyn can only assume it means thank you. “But we’re not linguists. We’re here to start your training.” He pauses to look over at Leia. “Your father mentioned you were sitting in today.”

Leia nods and Cassian turns back to Jyn, glancing her over. “Like I said, I did not expect you to be so scrawny. How good are you at hand-to-hand combat?” 

“I can hold my own,” Jyn says, eyes following Cassian wherever he moves. She wants to say something about the scrawny comment, but she really can’t deny it. She could stand to gain a few pounds and build some muscle. 

“I find that hard to believe,” Cassian says, shrugging his jacket from this shoulder and tossing it to Leia. She catches it with ease and sits it beside of her. 

“Why don’t you show me what you’ve got?”

Jyn is surprised, but hopes that it doesn’t show. She takes off her own jacket, tossing it to Leia as well. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?I don't fight fair.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Cassian says, a slight smirk on his face. “Because I was not planning on it either.”

“At least we’re on the same page,” she says, raising her fists. Cassian has no idea that she spent years training with Saw Gerrera. She knows what she’s doing. She doesn’t have to be told to know that she was one of the best soldiers that he had. She ignore the thought in the back of her mind that tells her if that was true he wouldn’t have left her behind. 

"Ladies first,” Cassian says, and Jyn doesn’t hesitate. She throws a fierce punch, but Cassian dodges it with ease, lifting his own to try and hit her in the stomach, but she manages to jump to avoid it. 

She rolls across the mat they’re standing on, hopping back up to face him, feeling almost exhilarated. She hasn’t had a partner of equal stamina in a long time. The fact that he’s an ass doesn’t really matter. Maybe training will actually be fun. 

“A gut punch, Andor? That’s low. Even if we’re not fighting fair,” she says before rushing at him again, an uppercut to the face, and a kick to the shin nearly brings him to his knees, but Cassian grabs her by the waist and practically flips her into the air before she comes crashing down on the ground. 

He looks down at her, a satisfied smirk on his lips, almost like he’s certain that he’s already won, but Jyn still has a few moves left in her. She swings out her leg and uses it to pull Cassian’s legs out from underneath him and he goes toppling backwards onto the ground, and Jyn is up and ready to pin him, panting to catch her breath as she looks down at him. 

For a brief moment their eyes meet and the strangest thought about kissing him passes through her mind. She knows it must be the adrenaline, because the thought quickly passes and is replaced with a euphoric feeling of triumph. 

“I told you,” Jyn says with a smirk. “Don't underestimate me.” 

She gets up from the ground, freeing Cassian’s wrists from her grasp as she does so. She glances over at Leia who seems to be more than pleased with the outcome of things. 

Cassian gets up from the ground, his breathing still heavy. “All right. You made your point. You can kick my ass. But there are men much bigger than me out there. How would you handle them?”

“Like I said before, I can hold my own,” Jyn says. “Especially if I have a weapon.” 

“And what if you don’t have a weapon?” Cassian asks. 

“Are you planning on sending me on missions without one?” Jyn asks curiously. “Because I certainly hope not.”

“No, but it is possible to lose it in a struggle,” Cassian says, looking over at Jyn. 

“I know you’ve been recruiting for the Rebellion for a long time now. But I’ve pretty much been surviving on my own since I was seven years old. I trained with Saw Gerrera.”

Cassian’s eyes widen at this, and he steps forward, curiosity written all over his face. “You trained with Saw Gerrera?”

“He practically raised me,” Jyn answers. “But go ahead. Keep doubting my abilities. Everyone else is. You might as well do it, too.”

Jyn grabs her jacket from Leia, uttering a goodbye to her before heading towards the exit. She knows that Cassian probably had a little more planned, but she’s not going to stand there and be treated like she’s beneath the rest of the Rebellion just because of where she came from. 

“Jyn, wait!”

But she doesn’t look back as she opens the door and disappears into the hallway and makes her way to her quarters. She always knew that one day what her father had done would in someway interfere with her, but she never thought people would actually think less of her for it. She never thought that the life she lived would make people look at her the way they have been, or talk to her the way Cassian has been talking to her. She feels tears welling up in her eyes as she presses the button to get into her room, letting the door shut behind her. No one will come to find her. That she’s sure of. 

She doesn’t bother taking off her shoes as she flops down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, letting a tear fall down her cheek. She reaches up to wipe it away. Why does it matter so much to her? She’s never wanted approval from anyone before, but maybe she thought she would find acceptance here when she had never found it anywhere else. Perhaps she should have went to prison. Then at least she would  be surrounded by other criminals. They wouldn’t have any right to look at her the way the Rebels have been looking at her. 

**_“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”_ **

**_“I understand.”_ **

It’s harder to understand now more than it ever has been before. 


	3. Stardust and Brimstone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is short, but very important to the story. I hope that you all enjoy! <3

She was wrong when the thought that no one would come looking for her. It's not even a few minutes later before she hears a knocking on her door. She doesn't want anyone to see her like this, weak and crying over something she has no control over. Things weren't supposed to be like this. She’s supposed to be hard, unshakeable in the face of anything that stands in her way, but now she's crumbling at the mere thought of the rebels hating her. 

“Go away,” she says, not bothering to ask who it is. She assumes it’s Leia, form to find her after she walked out on the training session. And while she appreciates the concern, she doesn't feel like talking to anyone. The tears that still stain her cheeks are too noticeable. She won't have anyone, even Leia, seeing her fall apart. 

“Jyn, please, open the door.”

She sits up when she hears Cassian’s voice from the other side of the door. That is the last person she expected to follow her to her quarters. Why would he do that? 

“If you're here to chastise me some more, you can get lost,” she snaps, unable to hide the venom in her voice. She's sick of being talked to like she's nothing, especially from him. They're all on the same side here, doesn't he realize that? 

“If you’d open the door, I’d tell you why I’m here,” he says. She can hear the exasperation in his voice. Is here to apologize or push her back into training? Because an apology she might accept, but she's not going back to training today. She's already made up her mind. 

Jyn pushes herself up from the bed, reaching up to wipe away the few stray tears that are still on her cheeks as she crosses over to the door and pushes the button to open it. The pressure releases with a hiss and it's even more shocking seeing Cassian standing in the doorway than it was to hear him on the other side. 

“What do you want?” 

“Jyn, there's no need…”

“You have no right to say that,” Jyn interrupts, crossing her arms over her chest. “None of this would have happened if you weren't acting like an ass.”

“Acting like an...fóllame!” Cassian exclaims, getting a few looks from some people that are passing in the hallway. “Can I come in? Or are you going to let me make an idiot of myself?”

As tempting as it is to let him stand in the entrances of her quarters and look the fool, she steps aside to let him in, letting the door shut behind him. 

“You’re here. Talk,” she says, plopping down on the edge of the bed and looking up at him. She’s more than a little confused. Why did he follow her? He doesn’t care about the way that she feels. That was clear from the very beginning. 

“I wanted to apologize,” he says, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. His eyes aren’t on her. This isn’t easy for him. But he must be doing it on his own accord. She doesn't think that Leia would have told him to do it and she knows that Mon Mothma wouldn’t have. 

“Did you? And what made you decide that?”

She can’t help but be skeptical. He’s been nothing but doubtful of her since the moment that they met. While she can understand his caution to a point, he’s taken it too far. Insulting her, treating her like she’s weak, and doubting her abilities as a soldier. There was no need for any of that, and maybe he’s finally come to realize that. 

“I’ve...I’ve been too harsh with you,” he continues, not really answering her question. “It’s just that I’ve been recruiting for the Rebellion for a long time. When they bring in someone who I have not researched, I get uncomfortable. Especially with your family history.”

“I am not my father,” Jyn says firmly, eyes never leaving him. She’s standing strong. She wishes Cassian had the nerve to at least look her in the eye while he’s saying all of this. Somehow it’s lost it’s sincerity this way. 

“I know that,” Cassian nearly snaps, letting his hand fall down to his side as he finally makes himself look at Jyn. “It wasn’t right for me to assume that you’ve been in contact with him, that you’re just like him. That you want to do for the Empire. But you have to understand, we have to be careful. There are so many people that want to see us crumble. And I thought we had to be extra careful with you because of your background.” 

“That would be understandable, but talking to me the way you have been isn’t being careful, it’s being rude,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. “And I’m not going to lie, it hurt. It hurts to feel like an outsider when all I want to do is help.”

“I was convinced you were only here to avoid going to prison,” he says truthfully. “As far as I knew, you’d never been interested in the cause before. I was just wondering what your motives were, I guess.” 

“I’ll be honest, at first I thought it was about getting away from being an Imperial slave,” she admits, looking down at the ground. “But the more I thought about it, I wanted to do something that would make my parents proud. Even if my father didn’t choose the right path, I know that he would have wanted me to.”

There’s a silence between them then. It’s not exactly uncomfortable, but Jyn wishes that she would say something instead of just staring at her. She can feel his eyes on her and she shifts a little underneath his gaze. She can’t tell what he’s thinking. Maybe she could if she was looking at his face, but for now, she has no idea. She can’t bring herself to look at him. 

“I can respect that,” he finally says. “I should not have assumed anything about you. That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.”

Jyn finally looks up at him again, her eyes search his brown ones for any trace of a lie, but she can’t find one. She wanted to keep hating him, it just seemed easier, but after he’s made such an effort, especially when it was obviously very difficult for him, she can’t really do that with a clear conscious. 

“Just don’t underestimate me again,” she says. She’s not saying it’s okay, because it’s not. The way he treated her really shook her to the core, and it’s not easy to get to her so easily. She can’t help but wonder what makes him different. Why was she almost desperate for his approval? It doesn’t make sense to her. She’s never wanted to seek the approval of anyone before. What makes Cassian Andor so special? “And don’t assume anything you’re not sure of. You can always ask me. I’m in no position to be telling lies.”

“That’s fair,” he says, nodding his head. “Does that mean you’ll come back to training?”

“Not today,” she says, her tone firm, steady almost. She’s still upset about what happened only a few minutes ago. Even with his apology, her anger won’t dissipate that easily. She’s still reeling. She knows that she’s probably overreacting. She’s been known to do so occasionally, but that doesn’t stop her from feeling the way that she’s feeling. 

“Fine,” he says. “Tomorrow, then?”

“I think I can manage to come tomorrow,” she answers with a soft smile. “I probably won’t be mad by then.”

“I would hope not,” he says, a small smile of his own crossing his face, and it’s the first time she’s seen him smile since she’s met him, and whether or not it’s genuine, she thinks that it suits him. She doesn't say so, of course. She’ll keep that thought to herself. 

“When I said not to underestimate me, that includes my ability to be angry,” she says teasingly. “I can hold a grudge longer than anyone I’ve ever met.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, laughing lightly. “Remind me not to get on your bad side again.” 

“It’s not that hard, actually,” she admits with a sheepish smile. “I get angry pretty easily.”

“Really?” he asks, sarcasm dripping in his tone. “I never would have guessed.” 

She raises an eyebrow. She can’t believe that he already thinks he’s in the clear enough to make jokes. But it feels nice to have someone she can exchange banter with. She has a friend on the outside that she can do that with, but she has no idea when she’ll see him again, so why not try and make her time her as enjoyable as possible?

“Watch yourself, Andor,” she says, getting up to open the door once again. “Just a reminder that I can kick your ass.”

“Yes, but I didn’t train with Saw Gerrera,” he says matter-of-factly. “What was that like?”

She swallows hard. She had brought up Saw in the heat of the moment. She knew that he would eventually ask about it, but she doesn’t know if she’s ready to talk about him just yet. Especially not to someone she just made nice with only mere moments ago. 

Cassian seems to feel the tension in the room shift when Jyn doesn’t respond right away. He nods. “I’m sorry. I should not have asked,” Cassian says. “Maybe another time. I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time. Try not to be late.”

Jyn whispers a goodbye to Cassian before shutting the door behind him. She walks back over to her bed and practically falls on it. She’s glad that Cassian apologized, but now her mind is on Saw. She tries not to think of him often. It hurts as much as thinking about her parents. 

She’s spent the last two years trying to figure out why Saw would just leave her behind. She can’t make sense of it. He spent years taking care of her and molding her into one of his best soldiers. Then, in the blink of an eye, he left her behind like she was nothing. She hasn’t really let anyone close to her since and she hasn’t wanted to. In her opinion, people always leave and they don’t come back. At least, that’s been her experience. 

Her heart is heavy as she curls into a ball in the middle of the bed, hugging her knees to her chest. She’s been through enough to last her two lifetimes. She should honestly be constantly on the verge of a breakdown, but the things she’s been through have somehow made her strong. She usually manages to hold herself together pretty well. But lately her dreams have been haunting her, the past has come to the surface far too often for her longing, and standing tall and brave in the face of hardships hasn’t been her strong suit. 

It isn’t long before Jyn feels her eyes getting heavy and she doesn’t try to fight off sleep. She knows that she’ll probably dream of something else painful, but she needs the rest. She knows she does. So she lets herself fall into the land of dreams, and the first thing she sees in her dreams is the ceiling of the bunker and hears the hinges creaking as it opens up. 

**_“My child! Come! We have a long ride ahead of us.”_ **

***

“He actually apologized?”

Leia seems more surprised than Jyn did when she tells her about Cassian following her to her quarters and admitting he was in the wrong. It must be a rarity for Cassian to think he’s wrong about anything. 

“Mhm,” Jyn mutters through a full mouth. She decides it’s best to finish chewing and swallow before she answers. She is in the presence of a princess after all. “He apologized. The exact words ‘I’m sorry’ never came out of his mouth, but he did apologize. He explained why he was acting the way he was acting. I think I sort of accepted it. I told him I would come to training tomorrow.”

Leia’s face is nothing short of showing pure disbelief. “Cassian doesn’t trust very easily. In fact, everyone likes him, but I think he’s only real friend on the base is Kaytoo.”

“‘Kaytoo?”

“An Imperial droid he found and reprogrammed,” Leia explains. “And I think the only reason he trusts Kaytoo is because he knows that the droid isn’t going to betray him.”

“So I’m guessing he’s pretty jaded, too,” Jyn says sitting her fork down.

“As far as I know,” Leia says in response. “No one really knows that much about his personal life, or his life before the Rebellion. All I know is that his family fought for us, and I think he’s the only one left. He never talks about them. Mon Mothma says he lost everything. I think the Rebellion is his life.”

Jyn feels her stomach churn as she listens to Leia’s explanation about Cassian. No wonder he was so paranoid about her. The Rebellion is the most important thing in the world to him. And if she thinks about it, he really had every reason to be suspicious of her. Now she feels like she has to apologize to him, but she can’t. She knows that Leia was just trying to help Jyn understand Cassian a bit better, but she has to go on pretending that she doesn’t know these things about him. It’s his choice whether or not he ever reveals them to her. 

“Well, now I feel just peachy,” Jyn says, looking down at her food. Suddenly she doesn’t have much of an appetite anymore. 

“Don’t feel bad,” Leia says, shaking her head. “There’s no way you could have known. Just like there’s no way he could have known about you training with Saw Gerrera. Everyone has secrets, Jyn.”

Jyn nods, picking up her fork to poke at the meat on her tray. She’s not sure what it is but up until Leia started talking about Cassian, it has tasted pretty good. Now just looking at it makes her want to be sick. 

“I suppose you’re right,” she says, still picking at her food. “But those secrets, sometimes they can cause more problems the longer that you keep them.”

She has her own set of secrets. Mostly about her life with Saw Gerrera. She was a soldier, and she had really believe in the cause. She wanted to see the Empire crumble, mostly for what they had done to her family. She knew that she wasn’t the only one that lost things because of the Empire, and she wanted to make sure they were taken down. But the moment that Saw left her behind, it was like the passion had been sucked out of her. She was hoping now that not only will she be able to do something that her parents would be proud of, but maybe she can find her passion for the Rebellion again. It’s a long shot, but she can hope, can’t she?

“Jyn? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she says, glancing up at Leia. “I was just thinking. Got a lot on my mind.”

She can’t remember a time in her life where everything has come back to haunt her like this. Maybe it’s years of repressing all of those feelings, of pushing them down in the darkest parts of herself and keeping them trapped until they started screaming to be heard. Now it seems like all of her worst thoughts and memories are climbing out of the darkness to make her seem like a weak mess when she needs to be stronger than ever. 

Her eyes are darting around the cafeteria and the finally settle on someone sitting alone. She quickly realizes that it’s Cassian Andor. Their eyes meet for the briefest of moments. When she first met him, she was convinced that they were polar opposites. Fire and ice. Stardust and brimstone. But now she’s coming to realize that maybe they’re not so different. But maybe they’re part of the same supernova about to explode. 


	4. Shared Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this wasn't supposed to get feely, but it did. Buckle up, kiddos.

“Again.”

Jyn groans from her spot on the floor, taking Cassian’s hand as he offers to help her up. She gets to her feet and she glares at him. He has got to be kidding. 

“Please tell me you're joking,” Jyn says, reaching her hand around herself to rub her back. She's sure she has a bruise by now, and she thinks she might have pulled something. 

Cassian kept his word. He's been working her hard. Long days of exercise and long nights of briefings and intelligence work. Most of it she can handle, but today he's pushing it. They've been getting along a lot better since their little heart-to-heart in her quarters but it seems that they’ll always be at some sort of odds. They’re still learning to trust each other, but they're trying. She guesses that's what counts. 

“I am not,” Cassian says. “You're good in combat, don't get me wrong, but I can flip you with no problems. You have to be able to get out of it.” 

“This would be a lot easier if you'd tell me how to do that,” Jyn grumbles, getting into position again. 

“That defeats the purpose, Jyn,” he says, standing at the ready. “No one will be here to tell you how to escape when you are in an actual fight.” 

“That I do know,” she says, dreading what's to come next once she makes her first move. They've been going over the same routine for hours now. Jyn lost count of how many times he's flipped her and slammed her to the ground. “But isn't the point of all of this so you can teach me?”

“Yes, and part of it is learning to think things through, so strategize as quickly as possible. I know you like to act on impulse, Jyn, but it will only get you so far.”

She grumbles, hoping that he can't make out what she's saying, because she's cursing him for sure. Before he can say another word, she's lunged at him, certain that she’ll be able to wiggle free from his grasp this time, that she’ll be able to fight him off like she usually does, but he grabs her by the waist and effortlessly spins her around before she flies off his arm and lands with a hard thud on the mat, and he has her pinned before she gets the wind back in her lungs. 

“You’re evil,” she says, taking his outstretched hand as he helps her off the ground once again. “I think you're getting some kind of twisted enjoyment out of this.”

He chuckles, the sound soft and almost sweet to her ears. “I don't enjoy hurting you, Jyn,” he says, glancing down at her. “But it is rather amusing seeing how riled up you get. Holding your temper is not your strong suit.”

“Yes, well, sometimes the anger makes it easier to fight. You can channel it into everything you do, use it,” she says. “At least that’s what Saw always said.”

She doesn't really notice the casual mention of Saw leaving her lips until she wanders over and presses her back against the wall, sliding down until she's reached a sitting position. If he's going to make her do this until she gets it right, she’s at least earned a break. 

“Saw Gerrera is what we see as an extremist,” Cassian says, wiping his hand on his pants before walking over sitting in front of Jyn. “But he's right. Channeling your anger in your fighting can do a lot of good.”

A silence falls between them for a moment. Cassian has come to understand that mentioning Saw is a rarity for Jyn, and he doesn't ever bring him up. But she does let things slip occasionally. She finds it easy to open up to him for reasons she can't even begin to fathom. Maybe they’re on the path to becoming friends. She doesn't think they’re quite there, but she has a feeling that they will be soon. 

“Andor.”

Cassian whips around to see who’s calling his name, and Jyn looks out of curiosity as well. General Draven is coming their way, and as always he looks serious about something. At least she's seen some of the other Rebels smiling, having a decent time occasionally. Draven always looks like he's about to start screaming and Jyn doesn't like that about him at all. 

Cassian gets to his feet and offers a salute to Draven. “General, what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Got a mission for you. If you're up for it. It’s on Tatooine. The Hutts have been interfering with rebel shipments. Capturing them, using them for their own personal gain. We need to find a way to stop them.”

“Tatooine? On the other end of the Outer Rim? I do not believe I have any contacts there,” Cassian says. 

“Senator Organa has one,” Draven says. “But I’m not sure how helpful he will be when it comes to getting close to the Hutts.”

Jyn knows it's not her place, but she speaks up anyway. “I have contacts on Tatooine. I worked with a smuggler for awhile. Petty theft, smuggling drugs. You name it, we probably did it.”

Draven and Cassian both turn to look at Jyn, and the curiosity dancing in Cassian’s eyes is unmistakable. She almost smirks at this, but thinks better of it. Especially with Draven around.

“What is their name?”

“Han Solo,” Jyn says. “I'm sure you've heard of him.” 

“You know Han Solo?” Cassian asks, clearly in disbelief. Jyn continues to pull out surprises and she likes that she can keep the rebels on their toes. 

“Solo and I go way back,” she answers. 

And it’s true. Han was one of the only people she has let herself trust after Saw left her behind. She doesn't exactly remember how it happened. She knows that at sixteen she thought she could steal the Millennium Falcon from Han Solo. His Wookie sidekick, however, is something she didn't expect. And they had put the brakes on her shipjacking faster than any Imperial would ever manage to do. Han seemed impressed with her “guts” as he had put it. They ended up working together for awhile. He never admitted it, but Jyn is sure Han had a soft spot for her because he had been abandoned as well. He wasn't much into sharing, but she had managed to get that out of him one day when they had both had too much to drink. 

She never wanted to stay on one place for too long, however, and she eventually moved on, but she and Han were still on good terms, and he's probably one of the only people that knows who she really is. He saw past all of her identities. She likes to think she’s a good liar, but sometimes when she speaks, she hears her father's voice come out.

“That could be your way in. Would we agree to meet you if you contacted him?” Draven asks. 

“I'm sure he would. He always has time for a drink,” Jyn says with a small smile. 

“Wait just a minute,” Cassian says. “I haven't cleared her for duty. Her training isn't done.”

“Well, that's too bad,” Draven says. “Looks like you need her on this one.”

Jyn can tell that Cassian isn't happy about this answer. But he doesn't argue with Draven. He nods his head before turning to look at Jyn again. 

“Do you think he'd be willing to help us?” Cassian asks. 

“He’d be willing to help me,” Jyn says. “He owes me a few favors for saving his ass more times than I can count. He's not really in the market for a political opinion, but he's had more trouble with the Imperial than with the Rebels. I'm sure I can convince him to help.” 

“Okay,” Cassian says, running a hand through his hair and letting out a low sigh. “We’ll contact him, set up a day. It’ll take a few days to get there, I have to get some things ready. Jyn, send a message to Han Solo. I’ll meet you back here in an hour. Pack light.”

Cassian disappears into the hallway, leaving Jyn alone with Draven. She’s not sure how to feel about that. She can tell by the way he has looked at her since she’s been here that he doesn’t trust her at all. Most people don’t. Some have come to take her word, others still look at her as if she’s the real enemy. 

“Looks like you might come in handy after all, Erso,” Draven says. “Don’t disappoint us. We’re counting on you both.”

And without another word, Draven turns and follows Cassian from the main room and down the hall. Jyn goes to her quarters quickly. She doesn’t have much she can even pack, but she manages a couple changes of clothes and some other things she might need. While she’s putting her bag together, Draven’s words are playing over and over again in her head. She knows that she has to prove herself, but did everyone here really think that she wasn't going to be of any use to them? Did they think she was going to just continue to be a common criminal? That's not what she came here for. She came her to make herself better, to make her parents proud. She hates that they seem to think that she wasn't going to help them in anyway. It was enough that Cassian had such a problem with her at the beginning. But at least she has his trust now, at least she has Leia. She had started to forget what it was like to be able to trust other people. But it feels nice to let people into her life again. Maybe this time she won't run away. 

She sends a message to Han. She doesn't wait for a response. She knows exactly where he’ll want to meet and about the time that he’ll be there. Runs are low for him this time of year. He's probably biding away his time at the cantina, waiting for a job to come along. She’s not sure what it will be like on a ship with Cassian for a couple of days, but she can only hope that it won't be awkward. She respects Cassian even if she doesn't know that much about him. He obviously cares about this cause, and it's evident in everything that he does. 

She grabs her bag and goes to meet Cassian where the ships pull out. She sees him waiting by one of them and she makes her way over to him. 

“Can I do anything to help?”

“No,” a voice says, and Cassian furrows his eyebrows at the sound. 

“Kaytoo, what did I say?”

There's a noise that sounds like a speeder backfiring before she hears the voice again. “You said to be nice,” it says. 

“And telling Jyn she can't do anything to help isn't exactly nice,” Cassian says, smiling over at Jyn. “Jyn, this is K-2SO. Kaytoo, this is Jyn Erso.” 

Jyn is surprised to see the Imperial droid step out of the ship and give her away. “I see Cassian has failed to tell you I'm reprogrammed Imperial droid. Well, surprise then.”

“How charming,” Jyn says, a smirk working its way onto her lips. 

“He tends to say whatever comes to his circuits,” Cassian explains. “It is a byproduct of the reprogramming.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jyn says, tossing her bag onto the ship before climbing on. “Doesn't mean I’ll be nice.”

“How come I have to be nice and she doesn't?” Kaytoo asks, clearly offended. 

“Because I said so,” Cassian replies. “Jyn has a hard enough time without droids being rude to her, too.” 

“Doesn't seem very fair to me,” Kaytoo insists. “And perhaps that's because her father is an Imperial Officer. Did you ever think about that?” 

Cassian looks up from the blaster that he's holding and his eyes dart from Jyn to Kaytoo. He doesn't speak, simply observes. 

“I suppose that might have something to do with it,” Jyn says, brushing a piece of hair away from her face. “But I like to think they hate me more for my criminal record.”

“Oh, I know all about that, too,” Kaytoo says, very sure of himself. “It’s no wonder you were arrested for being a public nuisance.” 

“Kaytoo!”

“What? I'm only speaking the truth. Would you rather I lied? Oh, hello, Jyn. I don't find you annoying at all,” Kaytoo says. Jyn has never heard sarcasm drip from a droid’s voice the way it does from Kaytoo’s. 

“That is quite enough,” Cassian says, shoving his blaster into the holster around his waist before climbing onto the ship. “We have a mission to worry about. Jyn, did you contact Han Solo?”

“Yes. I know where we’ll meet him once we get there,” she says, finally looking around at the ship. “Is she yours? Or was she provided by the Rebellion?”

“Rebellion issued. I hope to own my own ship someday,” he says. “But she’ll do for now.”

“Fair enough,” she muses, smiling slightly. “And an honest enough goal.” 

Cassian returns her smile before they both start to load their supplies onto the ship. She tries her best to ignore Kaytoo’s moderate complaining, but it is getting under her skin a bit. But she keeps her mouth shut. According to Cassian, she shouldn't even be going on this mission, she had better count her blessings and keep her complaints to herself. 

It doesn't take them long to get everything loaded and take off. Jyn excuses herself to look around the ship, climbing down to the bunks once she's finished and putting her bag on one of them. She keeps thinking about what Draven said about not disappointing them. She knows she has it in her to see this mission through. She knows she can do this. She has to. If she doesn't, she’ll never find her place among the Rebels. 

It isn't long before she hears footsteps above her and Cassian climbs down the ladder where the bunks are located. “Sorry,” he says. “I didn't know you were down here.” 

“You’re fine,” she says. “I'm just sitting here. We have a pretty long trip ahead of us.”

“I've been on longer. At least I'm not alone with Kaytoo. He may not feel this way, but I'm thankful for more human company.”

“Even though I'm not ready?” she asks. She remembers how quick he was to say she wasn't released for duty. She wonders just how much training he wants her to go through. 

“I didn't really mean that you can not do this,” he says, reaching up to scratch the back of his head. “I just meant, I’d rather you have more training from me. But with your background with Saw Gerrera, I'm sure you're more than capable of completing a mission.”

“Is that the long way of saying you think I'm ready?”

He laughs lightly. “I suppose it is.” 

She smiles at him, letting her legs sway as she holds them up from the floor of the ship. “I’ll take it,” she says. “It's probably the closest I’ll ever get to getting a compliment from you.” 

“I'm not that mean,” Cassian says. “I can almost hear my sisters screaming at me for making you think that of me.” 

“You have sisters?”

“Had,” Cassian says softly. She can see that this isn't easy for him to talk about. His eyes are downcast, his voice is quiet, and his shoulders are slightly slumped. “They passed away some time ago.”

“You...don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to,” Jyn insists. She doesn't like seeing Cassian like this, sad, melancholy almost. 

She doesn't know why she said that. She should be eating up any information he's offering to her. She's found it easy to open up to him, dropping tidbits of information about herself whenever the time arises, but Cassian hasn't done the same. This is really the first time she's ever heard him talk about himself, his life. But she doesn't want him to if it makes uncomfortable.

“No, no,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s fine. I miss them, but sometimes it's better to talk about them. I don't like to pretend that they never existed.”

“What were their names?” 

Her voice is soft as she asks the question. At first she's not sure that he will even hear her, but he does. He smirks again, turning to look at Jyn. He digs into his bag and pulls out a small box, he opens it up and hands her a holoimage. 

Jyn takes it from him, glancing at it with a soft smile. In the picture, a young Cassian is squished between two older girls, who are both dark haired and dark eyed like Cassian. 

“The one on the right is Adriana,” Cassian says, sitting on the edge of the bunk beside of Jyn. “The one on the left is Vanessa.” 

“They're beautiful,” Jyn says, examining the picture carefully. She has never seen Cassian smiles like this. It's so big, and genuine. She knows that time takes it’s toll on people, but it’s a shame he can't smile that way anymore. 

“They really were. They were captured by the Imperials when I was fifteen. We never saw them or heard from them again,” Cassian says, his voice cracking slightly. “They were the only family I had left. It's just me now.” 

Without thinking, Jyn reaches out and rests her hand over Cassian’s, offering him a gentle smile. “I know I don't know you that well, but they would be proud of you. For everything you do for this cause, for this Rebellion.” 

With tears in his dark eyes, Cassian turns to look at Jyn. A tear slips down his cheek and for some strange reason, she's sure that her heart is aching inside of her chest. 

“Thank you, Jyn,” he says, his voice unsteady, almost unsure. “I like to think they would be, too.”

“Cassian, we have an issue,” Kaytoo’s voice says from up above. 

And just like that, the world that had only included Jyn and Cassian fades away as he pulls his hand from hers and wipes his eyes. He mutters a goodbye before heading back up the ladder, leaving Jyn alone with a bunch of feelings that she can't even begin to understand.


	5. Spitfire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: and let's get the ball rolling! A familiar face appears in this Chapter! Enjoy!

When Cassian stays gone, Jyn allows herself to kick off her shoes and curl up in her bunk. She can't deny the fluttering that was in her heart when her hand was resting on his, the empathy she felt for him, for the things that he had lost. She must care about him. That must be it. But she's had friends before, ones she cared about deeply, but none of them ever made her heart skip a beat the way that Cassian did. She furrows her brows as she tugs the blanket up over her, turning to face the wall. What does this mean? Does she care about him in some other way? She can't remember ever feeling anything that wasn't familial or friendship.

  
Even if she does feel something for Cassian, it’s not as if she would ever act on it. They have a lot more things to worry about during this Rebellion than frivolous feelings that might be more fleeting than Jyn Erso could ever hope to be.

  
Thinking back, this isn't the first time she's had thoughts about Cassian Andor that she shouldn't. She remembers the first day she met him, adrenaline running through her veins as she pinned him to the ground, a quick thought about kissing him crossed her mind, but she had blamed it on the rush in her veins and the fire in her heart.

  
This is bad. She didn't come and join this Rebellion to collect feelings, or even to make friends. But she's already acquired Leia and now Cassian? Why is this happening? She could smack herself. She can almost hear a voice in the back of her head chastising her for letting people get too close. After Saw left her behind, she swore never again, but then there was Han, and now Leia and Cassian. Maybe she doesn't have the capability to be numb. She still cries about the family that she lost, the friends that became one with the Force. If she's being honest with herself, she always pretends that she doesn't care about anything, but she doesn't think she's ever really not cared in her entire life.

  
She tries to find sleep, but peace seems to far from her mind. Why can't she learn to control her feelings? And it probably isn't helping that they get along better now than ever before, that Cassian is coming to be comfortable enough around her to share information with her. She knows she's probably the only one on the base that knows about his sisters that doesn't need to. She could tell that he doesn't go around talking about them often. Why had he chosen to tell her that? And why today? Perhaps he had been missing them more than usual, maybe since he mentioned them in passing, he felt he needed to explain.

  
Her mind is swirling with a galaxy of a million possibilities and it’s flooding with an ocean of emotions. She has never known how to deal with what she's feeling, not properly anyway. When she doesn't understand something, she usually acts out, uses anger to try and push it away, but she knows she can't do that now. She's going to have to ignore the tingling feeling that arose in her when her hand touched his. She's going to have to pretend that it doesn't exist. She can't compromise her place in this Rebellion. She’s finally off the streets and slowly working to earn her place.

  
She hears footsteps above her again and she knows that Cassian is climbing down the ladder. She closes her eyes, doing her best to stay unmoving. She doesn't think she would be able to talk to Cassian rationally right now. He doesn't say anything as she hears him walk over to his bunk. She hears his boots clank against the floor as he takes them off, and the creak of the bed as he lays down and gets comfortable. Then the light goes off, leaving them in complete darkness. Jyn knows it will be a long time before she finds sleep, so she continues to try to sort out the thoughts in her head.

  
***

  
She had forgotten just how unforgiving the Tatooine heat could be. She feels like she needs a drink of water the moment she steps off the ship and into the desert air.

  
Jyn looks back at Cassian who has his brow furrowed as he drags the rest of their supplies off the ship. They can't just drive the ship to Jabba’s palace. It's likely they’ll be camping a few nights in the endless expanse of desert. She feels bad. She's spent the past two days trying her best to avoid Cassian. She knows that he's noticed. But what is she supposed to do? Just let the small feelings she's having manifest and take control? She can't do that.

  
“It’s hot,” Kaytoo says, poking his head out of the ship.

  
“How would you know?” Jyn asks, very clearly annoyed. It's been clear from their close proximity the past couple of days that she and Kaytoo just don't want to get along. She would say it had something to do with the mission, but the droid just seems to be a smartass.

  
“I can tell the temperature,” Kaytoo snaps. “Am I staying on the ship?”

  
“Someone has to watch it, my friend,” Cassian says, reaching up to pat the droid on the shoulder. “And I know you. You will find something to do.”

  
“And how long will you be gone?”

  
“No more than a few days,” Cassian says, pulling his bag onto his back “We really can't risk you walking around.”

  
“Oh, alright,” Kaytoo says. “But I'm not happy about it.”

  
“Of course you're not,” he says, turning to give Jyn a soft smile, which she can't help but return.

  
“Okay, Jyn. Where are we supposed to meet Solo?”

  
“It’s not far from here,” she says, gesturing to Cassian. “Follow me.”

  
They squeeze their way through the crowded streets. Jyn maneuvers with ease and she's pleased that Cassian is keeping up. It isn't long before they reach the cantina, and Cassian stops in his track beside of her, examining the building.

  
“This is where you used to hang out?”

  
“Hey, it may be a filthy pile of rubbish, but it's my filthy pile of rubbish,” she says, tossing him a wink before pushing open the door and looking around.

  
She knows Han. He’ll be lurking in the back, out of sight, unless there's someone at the bar that has caught his interest. She remembers watching him hit on people time after time, and fail miserably. Han likes to think he’s smooth, but he's really not.

  
They get a few strange looks as they make their way to the back of the cantina, passing a couple of aliens that look like they want to start a fight, but Jyn casually brushes her jacket aside to reveal the blaster hanging by her hip and they don't say a word.

  
“There she is!” a familiar voice exclaims and she feels a smile work it’s way onto her face.

  
“Han!”

  
She rushes at her friend and he doesn't hesitate to pull her into an embrace. It’s been far too long since she's seen him, and she thinks he might have gotten taller. Either that or she’s shrunk. But it doesn't matter. She takes a moment to hug him tightly. Part of her was convinced she might never see him again.

  
“What the hell brings you here, spitfire? Last time I saw you, you were on a one way trip out of here. I didn't think you'd ever be back.”

  
“Well, that's something I need to talk to you about, but it can wait for a minute,” she insists, pulling back to look at him, a luminous smile on her face. “Look at you. Still as ugly as ever:”

  
Han scoffs, rolling his eyes as Jyn’s comment. “Please, everyone here knows that's not true,” Han says. “I just happen to be the most gorgeous guy here.”

  
“Yeah, but look at what I have to compare you to,” she laughs, pulling him into another embrace.

  
For a moment, she almost forgot that Cassian was there, until he clears his throat, she turns to look at him, smiling sheepishly. She had been so caught up in greeting her friend that she hadn't introduced Cassian.

  
“Han, this is my friend, Cassian Andor,” Jyn says, gesturing to him. “We’re kind of here on business.”

  
“Well, let’s sit down and have a drink and talk about it,” Han says.

  
***

  
“Okay, lemme get this straight,” Han says, clearly still in disbelief. “After everything I've heard you say about the Alliance, after every damn time new sat in this same cantina and talked shit on them, you're telling me that you're working for them?”

  
“It was that or prison,” Jyn says, looking down at the glass that's placed in front of her.

  
“I just...I can't wrap my head around this,” Han says. “Come on, spitfire. There's more to it than that, isn't there?”

  
“My father,” she says, glancing up at Han, avoiding Cassian’s gaze all together. “And my mother. I wanted to do at least one thing they might be proud of.”

  
Han nods, taking a sip of his drink. Han acts like he feels no empathy, but in all honesty she thinks he cares more than anyone she has ever met. Underneath all the petty crime and drug smuggling, Han Solo has a heart made of gold and he guards it with all of his might.

  
“Okay, so what do you need from me?”

  
She can't help but smile, she knew Han would be willing to help her. “I could kiss you, do you know that?”

  
“Don't make promises you can't keep spitfire,” he says with a smirk. “I've heard it all before.”

  
“Maybe I mean it this time,” she teases, taking another drink from her glass.

  
She glances over at Cassian for a brief moment, and his brows are furrowed as he stares down at his own drink. She can only assume he's mad that they aren't completely focusing on the mission, but she’s allowed to diverge a little, right? Catching up with her friend isn't going to hurt anything.

  
“Anyway,” Jyn says. “We need help getting into Jabba’s palace. The Hutts have been interfering with Rebel shipments and we need to talk to them or figure out how to stop them.”

  
Han runs a hand down his face. “Well, shit, spitfire. I didn't know I'd been smuggling stolen Rebel supplies. That's not something I can do with a clear conscious, no matter how much the Alliance annoys me.”

  
“Thank you,” Jyn says, reaching out to take her friend’s hand. Han smiles at her as she gives it a squeeze and Cassian scoffs.

  
Jyn turns to look at him again, raising an eyebrow. “Something wrong, Captain?”

  
“No. Not at all,” he says. “I just don't think we should be thanking him until the mission is over is all.”

  
“Calm down, Captain,” Han says, only letting go of Jyn’s hand to bring his cup to his lips and take a swig. “Janna and I are currently on good terms, so you're in luck. Still think it’s a good idea to go on foot though. He doesn't like a lot of air traffic around the palace.”

  
“Fair enough,” Jyn says, eyes never once leaving Cassian. What's wrong with him? Is this how he always acts around new people? Maybe it's just because Cassian hasn't come to trust Han yet, but he should. If he trusts her at this point, he should trust Han as well.

  
“We’d better get going if we want to make it get far by sundown. Let me grab some things and get Chewie and I’ll meet you at the docking bay in an hour.”

  
Han pushes himself up from his seat and leans over to give Jyn a quick kiss on the cheek. “It's good to see you, spitfire.”

  
“It’s good to see you, too,” she says, smiling at him as he walks over and out of the cantina.

  
When she turns to look back at Cassian, it's almost like he's glaring at her. She wonders what she's done wrong now. She can't remember the last time he looked at her like this, and she hopes that by being herself around Han, she hasn't offended him in someway, or made him think that she compromising the mission.

  
“I don't like him,” Cassian finally says. “But I'll try and be nice.”

  
Jyn nods, taking another sip of her drink. Part of her believes that there's more to it than that, but she doesn't push it. Cassian has just started opening up to her, and even though she can't act on the feelings that are bubbling inside of her, she can sure as hell still be his friend and that's what she intends to do.

  
***

  
The trek to Jabba’s palace is going to be excruciating. Jyn already knows that for sure. After only a few hours of walking, mostly in silence because the heat was too much to bear, they finally stop and have some water and set up camp.

  
Cassian seems disgruntled while they eat dinner and when it starts to get cold, he excuses himself to his tent without another word. Jyn wants to ask him what's wrong, but even if she did, she's not sure that he would tell her. She can't help but wonder if it’s something that she did.

  
“Who is that guy?” Han asks, moving to sit a little closer to Jyn. “And what's his problem?”

  
Jyn turns to look at Han, shrugging her shoulders. “I wish I knew. He's been acting weird since we met up with you at the cantina earlier. I'm wondering if I did something to upset him.”

  
Han looks baffled that this is something that Jyn’s saying. “Since when have you cared about any of that?”

  
“I don't know. It's...I can't explain it. From the moment I met him, things were different. I care about him. In what way, I'm not sure. I'm trying to figure that out.”

  
“By the Gods, spitfire. Just be careful. I don't trust him,” Han says. “He gives me a weird vibe.”

  
“You say that about everyone,” Jyn insists, letting her fingers dance in the sand beneath her. The desert air is growing colder now. She finds herself wanting to crawl underneath a blanket and let sleep take over, but she knows Han won't let her do that just yet.

  
“I never once said that about you,” Han says, or gesturing to the Wookie on the other side of the fire. “Never said that about Chewie either.”

  
“So if he had tried to steal your ship, you would trust him?” Jyn asks, a small smirk working it’s way onto her lips.

  
“Maybe,” Han says, smiling himself. “I can't tell you how to live your life, Jyn. I just...be careful. I'm only looking out for you.”

  
“I know,” she confirms, leaning forward and pulling him into a hug. “Thank you.”

  
“Now go get some rest,” he says. “I'm gonna get us up bright and early.”

  
“Right,” she says. “You awake before dawn? Don't make me laugh.”

  
“Hey!” Han exclaims. “It’s been known to happen.”

  
“Perhaps,” she says, as she heads over to her tent. “If you were up all night.”

  
“Shut up and go to sleep, Erso,” Han says with a laugh.

  
She shakes her head as she climbs inside and lays down on her bed roll. Her body is aching and sore, and she's sure she’s going to have a sunburn when she wakes up in the morning, but that's the least of her worries. As sleep falls over her, she wonders yet again, what’s wrong with Cassian?

  
***

  
It’s not much later when Jyn is roused from her sleep when she hears voices from outside the tent. Even in her groggy state, she recognizes Han and Cassian almost immediately. She furrows her brows. What could they be talking about? And at this hour no less?

  
But she hears some phrases. Catches the words Rebellion and years coming off of Cassian’s lips, a laugh escaping Han. But then there's a pause, and she's sure that they've stopped talking, but after a moment, Cassian breaks the silence.

  
“So you and Jyn? You go way back?”

  
“A couple of years at least,” Han says. “Found her trying to steal my ship, decided I liked her guts, and the rest is history.”

  
“But what is the rest?” Cassian asks curiously.

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Well, you and Jyn, you seem quite friendly. I guess I was wondering how close you really were.”

  
Is he asking what she thinks he's asking? Sure, Han is handsome and she cares about him, but he's more like her big brother than anything else. What kind of vibe has Cassian been getting from them? And even more, why does he care?

  
“What's it to you?” Han asks, clearly a bit offended by the question. She almost groans. Why couldn't Han just give Cassian a straight answer? She knows he doesn't like the other pilot, but this is only going to cause trouble.

  
“I was merely curious,” Cassian says, and even though she can't see his face, she can tell that he's lying. But why? What purpose does any of this have?

  
“That’s bullshit, Andor,” Han says, and she hears Chewie laugh, “Listen, I don't know what your intentions are with Jyn, but I’ll tell you one thing. She's used to people leaving and I swear, if you end up being on those people, if you end up hurting her, you won't have to worry about the Empire anymore because me and the Wookie here will tear you limb from limb. Got it?”

  
She can only assume that Cassian nods because she hears sand crunching lightly beneath Han’s boots and not long after, the flames go out, leaving nothing but burning embers in their wake.

  
Had Cassian been jealous? She can't make sense of that. What other reason would have had to ask Han about how close they were though? If Cassian is harboring feelings for her as well, this entire plan she has about ignoring her own is useless. It was easy when she thought this was one-sided but now she can't be sure.

  
Jyn knows she won't sleep anymore tonight, and she knows she needs it. But her mind is swirling again, a million possibilities and scenarios playing out in her head. They’ll keep her awake until she fades away into sleep like the fire fades to embers.

 


	6. You Have Stars In Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is for Carrie. Rest in peace, princess.

She was right when she assumed that she wouldn't fall asleep again. She spent most of the night tossing and turning. She remembers dozing off occasionally but she didn't get nearly the amount of rest that she needs to make it through today. She's been sleeping so much better since she joined the Rebellion. Even though her bad dreams haven't been chased away completely, she's been sleeping more than a couple of hours a night.

  
She forces herself off the bedroll and stretches before walking out the tent. Han and Chewie are already awake, but Cassian is nowhere to be found. He must still be in his tent. She wonders if Han scared him last night. But she doubts a threat from a smuggler would be enough to send him into hiding. He's faced far worse things, that she's sure of.

  
“Morning, spitfire,” Han says, looking up at her with a smile. “I wasn't starting a fire this morning. Got some other stuff we can eat for breakfast though.”

  
“I'm not really hungry,” Jyn answers. She walks over and takes a seat beside of Han.

  
“And I'm guessing you didn't sleep well,” Han says, digging into his bag and tossing her some water. “You look like crap, Erso.”

  
“Thanks,” she grumbles, reaching out a hand to shove him playfully. She takes a sip of the water before glancing over at him again. “So I heard you and Cassian talking last night.”

  
“Did you? And what exactly did you hear?”

  
“Cassian asking about how close we had been,” she says, looking down at the sand, using the tip of her boot to draw circles in the sand.

  
“Yeah, I figured you might have heard that,” Han says, taking the water back from Jyn and taking a swig himself. “He’s just jealous. I wouldn't worry too much about it.”

  
“Jealous? Why would he be jealous?” Jyn asks, clearly perplexed.

  
Han laughs. “If you haven't noticed the way he looks at you then I doubt that you ever will. He looks at you like you hung every star in the universe, Jyn. I don't even know if he realizes it.”

  
She nods, letting her fingers lace together as she bends down and rests her forehead against her knees. She was hoping that this wouldn't happen, that all of things she was feeling would be just for her to deal with, but apparently Cassian feels something for her, too. This is going to end in a disaster, in burning flames. She's not sure she's ready for that.

  
A silence falls between them as Han digs around in his bag for something to eat. They spend at least a half an hour going back and forth as Han tries to get get to eat, but she refuses. Finally, Cassian comes stumbling out of his tent, rubbing at his eyes.

  
“You two could be a little quieter,” Cassian says, grumbling something in Spanish as he makes his way over to where they’re sitting and takes a seat of his own. “Why didn't you wake me?”

  
“We weren't planning on leaving for about another hour,” Jyn says, tossing Cassian a protein bar that Han has been trying to get her to eat. “We’ll have a proper meal later.”

  
Cassian nods, looking between with Han and Jyn, clearly not pleased with how close they're sitting but he doesn't say a word. He rips the wrapper from around the bar and takes a bit, his anger seeping into every single one of his actions. Jyn wants to say something, to let Cassian know that he has nothing to worry about when it comes to Han, but she doesn't. He can figure it out for himself. And if he doesn't, that's his own problem. She doesn't have to clarify her relationship with Han for anyone. Especially not Cassian Andor.

  
“We’ll have to take it easy today,” Han says. “Chewie says the heat’ll be worse than yesterday. We’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning to get the rest of the way.”

  
“That’s fine,” Jyn says, pocketing one of the protein bars for later. “I’d rather us get there in one piece than for one of us to die of heat stroke.”

  
“That’s the spirit, spitfire!” Han exclaims, patting her on the shoulder as he pushes himself up from the ground. “Since we’re all awake, let's get our shit together and get this show on the road.”

  
It doesn't take them long to put away their tents and gather their things and start walking. Han and Jyn keep a slight banter going the whole time that they walk, letting Cassian and Chewie trail behind them. It's easy to get lost in conversation with her old friend. She hasn't seen him in ages and they've always gotten along so well. She tries not to let the aching in her muscles and the drowsiness in her eyes get the better of her, but it's no use. She's lagging and everyone in the group knows it.

  
By the time the suns start to fade over the horizon, Jyn is barely able to stand. Han and Chewie put together her tent for her and she doesn't say anything but a quiet thank you before she climbs into and collapses on her bed roll. Her thoughts don't even bother her as she drifts off to sleep.

  
***

  
“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”

  
“I understand.”

  
But she didn't. How could she grasp that kind of things at only eight years old? Her father wanted her to understand, that's why she said she did. Even if she knew that the things he did were bad, even if she didn't know exactly why he did them, she knew her father loved her and she loved him. She would make him feel at ease.

  
“I love you, Stardust.”

  
“I love you, too, Papa.”

  
And she they both thought that would be enough.

  
***  
She wakes with a start, and as her eyes adjust to the light (or lack thereof), she notices the flames flickering outside of the tent. She has no idea what time it is, but she's almost certain it's not Han that’s still awake. He was almost as tired as she was. She’d be willing to bet money that it’s Cassian.

  
She digs in her bag and pulls out a jacket before she exits the tent, looking up at the night sky as eh does. Tatooine has a beautiful sky, it dances with stars and even though the moon is small, it shines as bright as the two suns that light the planet in the daytime.

  
She finally lets her eyes settle on Cassian, and he must have heard her moving around because he's looking back at her with a soft smile.

  
“You missed dinner,” he says. “You should eat something.”

  
Jyn makes her way over and sits down beside of him, not really caring that their legs are touching. Her heart does, however, and keeps thumping in her chest like it’s begging to get out. But she tries to ignore it. She tries to pretend that everything is normal.

  
“I'm not really hungry,” she admits, and she half expects him to try and force her to eat like Han did this morning. But he doesn't.

  
“Leia says you never eat much,” Cassian says. “Why is that?”

  
“Just not used to having food readily available,” she admits with a shrug, and her shoulder brushes his and it’s like spark of electricity bursts through her veins.

  
Cassian nods, seeming to understand her reasoning. But he doesn't say a word. She should just let it be. But she can't. Without thinking much of the action, her head falls to his shoulder and her arms wrap around his. She doesn't look at him when she speaks, afraid he might look just as terrified as she feels.

  
“So Han thinks you're jealous,” Jyn says, letting herself watch the flames dance around the firewood. It's much easier than looking at Cassian.

  
Cassian chuckles lightly. And much to her surprise, he doesn't tell her to move, doesn't ask her to let go, so she doesn't. In fact, she might hold on just a little by tighter.

  
“Perhaps I am,” he says, and she wishes she should see his face, but she's too afraid to look up at him. She can't do it. Not yet anyway.

  
“But there's nothing to be jealous of,” she insists. “Han’s like my brother.”

  
“Maybe so,” Cassian says. “But he knows you much better than I have allowed myself to. And I think I'm a bit bitter. I would like to know you better.”

  
She feels a smile tug it’s way onto her lips, but she doesn't say a word, doesn't respond. She's not sure what to say, and before she can even come up with something, she feels fingers tickling underneath her chin and she quickly realizes that Cassian has tilted her head up, and her eyes lock with his, and she can see the flames moving even in the darkness of his eyes. He has a fire burning within him, a passion that she's not sure she can ever posses. And it intrigues and terrifies her all at the same time.

  
“You have stars in your eyes,” Cassian whispers and she feels her breath catch in her throat. “Do you know that?”

  
“My father told me that once,” she says breathlessly, and before she has any time to process what's happening, Cassian’s lips are on hers.

  
It's so unexpected. It was the last thing she thought would happen tonight, but it's not unwelcome. She allows her arms to snake around his neck, lets him pull her closer. His lips are soft and warm and the scruff from his beard tickles her face, but she likes it. She could get used to this.

  
But that's just the thing. She can't let herself get used to this. She has to put a stop to this now before things go too far. She can't compromise her place on this Rebellion.

  
Yet she can't make herself pull away until she need to breathe, and once she does, dark eyes meet brown ones and she nearly melts.

  
“Cassian, I…” she says softly. “I can't.”

  
She untangles herself from him and disappears into her tent, curling into a ball. And even if as the tears start streaming down her face, she can't still taste him on her lips.

  
***  
She dreams of Cassian Andor.

  
She doesn't mean to, but she guesses her heart and her mind have different priorities. She was thinking of him as she fell asleep, of the way her heart fluttered in her chest as his lips moved against hers, of the way she felt safe and secure in his arms.

  
Why had she been so afraid? Why she told him that she couldn't do this when all she wanted to do was rush to his tent and kiss him again?

  
When she wakes the next morning, she doesn't move from her bedroom for a long time. She doesn't want to face Cassian. She doesn't know if she can. Not without talking about it, not without thinking about what happened the night before.

  
But she knows that she has to. She has an obligation to this Rebellion now and she won't let them down.

  
So she makes herself get up from the bedroll, and climbs out of the tent. All she can see is the embers from the fire of the night before and the suns rising over the mountains. She’s thankful that no one else is awake, because she's not sure she even wants to talk to Han about what happened, but she know if she waits until he gets back to Leia she might explode.

  
She puts away her tent and packs her things and by the time she finishes, she looks up just in time to see Cassian coming out of his tent.

  
She wants to run and hide, to pull away like she did last night but she finds herself walking toward him. She's just about to say something when she hears a growling noise from behind her and it’s unmistakably from Chewie.

  
She turns to look as Han climbs out of his tent, smiling at Jyn as he stretches out. “Good morning! Let's get to Jabba’s! We have work to do.”

  
Jyn gives Cassian a sad smile. Maybe they weren't meant for greatness. Maybe they were meant to be a fragile flame that only burned for a moment. Maybe their feelings are fleeting. Whatever the case, they are not meant to discuss it today, and she's okay with that. 


	7. The Brightest One Of All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So here's another chapter. I was trying to my mind off of Carrie today so I decided to maybe spread some joy to other people. I love all of you and thank you for your continued feedback and support.

The rest of the journey to Jabba’s isn't long, but she knows they wouldn't have made it this much farther yesterday with the heat being what it was. She just hates that she's had this much time with her thoughts because all she can think about is Cassian, and the way his lips felt on hers last night. She can still feel the tenderness of them as they encased her own, feel his beard tickling her skin. She finds herself longing for it, the ghost of a kiss isn't enough to satisfy her. But it will have to be. She can't allow herself to feel for him.

  
Not only would it compromise her place in his Rebellion, she would just have to go through the pain of losing him once he decided to leave too. Everyone always leaves. Why would Cassian Andor be the exception?

  
She reaches into her shirt and her fingers find her necklace. The Kyber crystal is the only thing she has left of her mother, of her life before. Her mother chose to leave her behind, chose to try and save her father from the man in white, and lost her life because of it.

  
She thinks of her father as the sand crunches underneath her boots. Of what he might be doing. She normally doesn't think of him, but she's been dreaming of him so often lately that it’s hard not to. She normally likes to believe that he's dead. It makes things easier for her. It makes him easier to forget, easier not to remember that he’s probably still working for the Imperials. He left her behind.

  
She thinks of Saw, the one person she thought she could trust after her parents were gone. She let herself make friends with his soldiers, believe that he cared for her. And he disappointed her, too. Left her behind with nothing but a knife and a loaded blaster at the tender age of sixteen. Even with all her training and experience, she was still young at heart, still fragile.

  
She glances over Han. He hadn't left, but she had beat him to it. She disappeared from his life before he could disintegrate from hers. She’s still wary about being here, but she's so happy to see her friend that she can't really let it show. Han has a tendency to leave when things get bad. Even though he took her with him after they joined forces, but how long would it have been before he didn't?

  
All she's ever known is leaving and people leaving her. She's not sure she knows how to stay, and if people know how to stay with her. She wants to believe that maybe this time it will be different. That if she lets herself give into the feelings she has for Cassian that things would work out. But it never does. Not in her experience. She knows this would be no different.

  
She's pulled from her thoughts when she hears Han’s voice calling out to her from ahead. She looks up from the sand only to see Jabba’s palace in the distance. It’s huge and probably full to the brim with the kind of people that she and Han used to associate with.

  
“Wow,” Jyn says. Han would never bring her here before. Anytime the had dealings with the Hutts, Han and Chewie would take care of payments, of picking up shipments. He said Jabba’s palace wasn't the place for Jyn to see. He's probably reluctant to bring her here now.

  
“It’s quite large,” Cassian says, coming to a stop beside of Jyn.

  
She freezes for a moment, startled by the sound of his voice. She didn't think about him trailing behind her. She had been trying not to think of him at all. It was only going to cause her more confusion, more pain. But now here he stands, and this won't be the last time that they work on a mission together. She will have to be around him and every time she will remember the kiss, remember the feeling of warmth it caused to raise inside of her, the happiness that it caused to radiate throughout her body. As long as she lives, she knows that she’ll never forget that kiss.

  
“It is,” Jyn says. “But I hear Jabba the Hutt is quite the extravagant alien.”

  
“You have not met him before?”

  
“No. Han would never let me come here before. Said it wasn't the kind of place I should be in. I guess I'm about to find out why,” Jyn says. She offers Cassian a smile before she makes her way over to Han.

  
“Listen,” Han says as she approaches. “I know you. Let me do the talking. Don't do anything, you know, stupid.”

  
“I could give you the same advice,” Jyn says with a small smirk. “You're the one that does things on impulse.”

  
“Don't act like you don't do the same thing, spitfire,” Han says, laughing a little.

  
“Is Jabba really that sensitive?”

  
“I wouldn't call him sensitive,” Han says. “But he's touchy. He doesn't like having his authority questioned, and he doesn't like people interfering with his business.”

  
“Fantastic,” Jyn says, making sure her blaster is still tucked securely by her side. “Sounds like we have our work cut out for us.”

  
“We can handle him,” Han says. “We’vd handled worse. Remember that time on Coruscant when we caused the speeder pile up and had to outrun the Stormtroopers on foot?”

  
Jyn laughs. “How could I forget? That was the first time I saved your ass.”

  
“You and I remember Coruscant very differently,” Han replies. “All right. Chewie will stay outside with our things and me, you, and Andor will go in and talk to Jabba.”

  
Chewie grumbles and Han rolls his eyes. “Aw, hush up, fuzzball. You know Jabba doesn’t like you anyway.”

  
Chewie growls in agreement, but Jyn can tell that the Wookie still isn't happy about his job. She can't say she blames him. Chewie is used to being in on all the action, but she knows that Han knows that Cassian wouldn't have agreed to stay behind and neither would she. So it’s Chewie that has to suffer.

  
Jyn takes her bag off her shoulders and hand it to the Chewie, and Cassian does the same. Han makes sure his holster is secured around him before turning to look at Jyn and Cassian.

  
“Let’s get this over with,” he says. “If we play our cards right, we’ll be in and out in no time.”

  
Jyn follows Han to the entrance of the palace and Cassian trails close behind, his hand resting securely on his blaster. She’s being cautious herself, but going in with her hand on her blaster wouldn't be the best idea, but she doesn't tell Cassian to stop.

  
Han presses the large doorbell like button on the door and a peephole opens up, and a pair of eyes examine them through it. A voice comes out not long after, but Jyn has no idea what the creature is saying.

  
“Han Solo and two friends,” Han replies casually. “We’re here to see Jabba.”

  
The voice says something else and Han nods and steps back, gesturing for Jyn and Cassian to do the same and they do. The doors part and open, revealing a long, dark hallway. She can hear the faint sound of music coming from the end of it. There must be some sort of party going on. Han always said that Jabba had a knack for throwing then.

  
A creature leads them down the hallway, and the further down they get, the louder the music. Jyn knows that interrupting his party might not be the smartest idea, but they're already here and there's no going back now. The palace has a stench. She can't quite place it but it causes her to scrunch her nose, she wonders if Jabba smells just as bad. But she knows well enough to keep her thoughts to herself.

  
The party is in full swing when they step into the main room of the palace. It’s dark and musty and probably smells worse than the hallway. She has no idea what to expect from this.

  
She quickly sees why Han never wanted to bring her here. The worst of the worst are around. Criminals that have had wanted holos up for years are dancing with each other, girls of all different species are in skimpy outfits and wrapped in chains. This is exactly the kind of place she would want to avoid. The imagines this is where horrible people go when they die.

  
“Solo!”

  
A deep, boisterous voice echoes around the room, over the music, causing the party to come to a stop, all heads turning to look at Han and the two of them that are walking behind him. Han clearly wasn't expecting the attention. Han smiles and waves like he's greeting an old friend, even though Jyn knows for a fact that Han can't stand Jabba. He says his slimey and as foul as they come, but he as appearances to keep up and business to do.

  
“Jabba! Sorry to interrupt your party!” Han says, gesturing for Jyn and Cassian to follow him. “I didn't know you we're celebrating today.”

  
Jabba says something in reply, but Jyn knows nothing of his language, thankfully the droid that currently has the pleasure of translating for Jabba steps forward, looking at the three new guests.

  
“His greatness, Jabba the Hutt, wonders what exactly you're doing here and who are your friends?”

  
“This is my friend, Lianna Hallick,” Han says, gesturing to Jyn and he's thankful that he remembers her alias. “And her friend Robert.”

  
Smooth, Han. She wants to roll her eyes. Her own fake identity slid so easily of his lips and the name he came up with for Cassian just fell short. She knows Jabba will probably see right through it.

  
Jabba speaks again and Han scowls. “I'm a hell of a good liar!” Han exclaims. “But their real names don't matter. They're from the Alliance. They know you've been messing with their shipments.”

  
Jabba laughs and it resonates within Jyn in the worst way. It sounds like the stuff out of nightmares, and she would prefer if she never heard it again in her entire life. She would also love to never smell his palace ever again. She can't wait to get out of here.

  
“His greatness, Jabba the Hutt, is amused that you think he's going to stop doing things that bring him revenue,” the droid says.

  
Jyn steps forward then, pulling her jacket aside to reveal her blaster. “Listen, Jabba. I don't care how much money it’s making you. The Alliance needs their shipments.”

  
“God damn it, Jyn,” Han mutters, running a hand down his face.

  
Jabba says something else that she can't understand and before the droid can translate, the floor does out from underneath her and she’s falling, down into a deep, dark pit. She hears a deep rumbling from inside, and the stench is worse than anything she's ever smelled.

  
“Jyn! Run!”

  
Han’s voice is urgent and it echoes around her as she looks for a way out, but she doesn't see one. The grumbling gets louder and she looks behind her to see giant eyes staring back at her from the dark. She hears a creaking sound and knows that somewhere near by, a door must be closing and she has to get out of there before it does.

  
The rancor shows itself, and it's ugly and monstrous. It's worse than Jabba could ever hope to be. She takes her blaster from it’s holster and takes a shot at it, before booking it to the other side of the cave. The roar she hears is deafening. It shakes the very foundation of the palace and rocks come crumbling down from the ceiling. She's a goner if she doesn't get out of there. She knows that for a fact.

  
“Jyn! It's distracted! Head for the door!”

  
It's Cassian’s voice she hears this time and somehow that motivates her even more. She can't die now, not with so many things left unsaid between them. Not when there is no solution to whatever happened last night. She won't allow it. She won't leave Cassian with regrets and she won't leave Han with the guilt of bringing her here.

  
She looks to her left and sees nothing but a rock wall, and the creature is close behind, roaring mighty and powerful with every step that it takes. She must have really pissed it off by shooting it.

  
She looks to her right and sees it, slowly closing and she makes a run for it, and she hears the giant footsteps of the rancor behind her as it tries to make her pace. The door is nearly closed and there's only one way she's going to fit under it. She leaps forward, bracing herself for impact as she heads toward the the ground, arms stretched out in front of her. She manages to get most of her body under the gate, but her leg gets caught caught. She cries out in pain as it crushes the bone of her lower leg, and as it rises back up to try and slam down again, she uses the last of her strength to pull it free, despite how much it hurts.

  
The gate closes with a thunderous sound and the cries of the rancor are enough to shake the palace once again. Jyn does her best to scoot away from the bars but she's in so much pain. She knows that in a moment it will fade when she goes into shock, but right now, she can't fight the tears that come to her eyes.

  
She hears Jabba laughing, and Cassian and Han are both yelling for her. Jyn puts her blaster back in her holster before calling up to them.

  
“Tell the slimey space slug that he owes me one!” Jyn exclaims. “And can someone get me a medic?”

  
People are surrounding her almost instantly and examining her leg, and one alien looks at her with a grimace in his face.

  
“I can splint it for you, but you can't put weight on it until you get to a hospital or medbay. You’ll probably need surgery.”

  
That's just brilliant. Surgery and few rounds in the bacta tank will probably make it better but that means she’ll be out of commission for at least two weeks. But she finds herself not really caring. She looks around for Han but all her eyes sees is Cassian and she smiles, relieved to see him, despite everything that's happened.

  
“Jabba is pleased,” Cassian says. “He says very few escape his pet. He's agreed to stop messing with our shipments. And he's agreed to give us transport back the main hub instead of making us walk. Good job, Jyn.”

  
“And you said I wasn't ready,” she teases, trying not to let the pain show as they splint her leg. The alien that told her might need surgery helps her to her feet just in time for Han to arrive and take over. She slings her arm around his shoulder as he crouches down to her level.

  
“Why are you so tall?” she mutters, glaring up at him. “This would be so much easier if you weren't a giant.”

  
“I’ll let that slide since you're hurt,” Han says, leading her out of the pit and to the lift. They find Jyn a makeshift wheelchair and a couple of Jabba’s guests lead them out of the palace and back into the desert heat.

  
“So just like that?” Jyn asks.

  
“Jabba is touchy, but he's not hard to please,” Han says, looking around for the ship that's supposed to pick them up. He sees Chewie and waves him over.

  
Chewie looks at Jyn and says something to Han and Jyn laughs. “I’m fine, Chewie,” she insists. “Just as broken leg.”

  
“She is lucky to be alive,” Cassian says, but they don't have much time to discuss the matter. A ship comes cruising around the palace and makes a stop in front of them.

  
Things are quiet as they board the ship, and Jyn can feel herself slipping into unconsciousness. The pain is too much and she's slipping into shock. The last thing she sees before her eyes close is Cassian’s concerned face and she decides if he's the last thing she ever sees, she’ll be okay with that.

  
***   
When she wakes up, she's on the Falcon. She knows that for sure. She remembers Han’s cabin like it was yesterday. She leans over and presses the comlink button by the bed, and speaks into it.

  
“Han, I'm awake? Where are you?”

  
Han doesn't answer, there's just a rustle outside the door and then it opens and he steps inside, smiling at her as he does.

  
“Hey, there spitfire. You've been out awhile. How are you holding up?”

  
“Still in pain,” she admits, glancing down at her leg. “But that's to be expected.”

  
“Yeah, well,” he says, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. “I told Andor I'd take you back to your ship when you woke up. Guess I'd better do that. You guys have to get back the base.”

  
Jyn groans. “I can't be on a ship alone with him for two days when I can't even walk away.”

  
“Oh, boy,” Han says, glancing over at her. “Why not?”

  
“We kissed,” Jyn admits and his eyes widen in surprise. “It was last night. We were talking and I then I rested my head on his shoulder. It all happened to fast.”

  
“And how do you feel about that?”

  
“Well, if only confirmed that I have feelings for him,” she says, sighing softly. “But I can't act on them.”

  
“Why not?”

  
“Are you encouraging me to act on this? You know I can't compromise my place there. And weren't you the one telling me that you didn't trust him?”

  
“Yeah, but I don't trust anyone,” Han says. “God, Jyn, listen to your heart for once. Stop trying to be so numb all the time. You care more than anyone I've ever met and I know that this is something you want. He may look at you like you hung the stars in the sky, but you look at him like he’s the brightest one of all.”

  
Jyn hadn't realized that she looked at Cassian any particular way. And when had Han noticed? She knows deep down that he’s right. That this is something she can't push away or ignore.

  
“I hate it when you're right,” she grumbles, giving him a small smile.

  
“Get used to it,” he says. “Happens a lot these days and I'm not letting you lose touch again.”

  
She lends forward and wraps her arms around Han, burying her face in his shoulder. She knows she won't talk to Cassian the minute that she gets back on the ship, maybe not even when they get back to the base, but she will. She could have died today and she would have had so many regrets, she doesn't want to die that way.

  
They may be part of a supernova, locked and loaded and ready to explode, but someone has to ignite the fire, someone has to start the process. One day they’ll turn to stardust, but for now she wants to drown in the light of what they could be, and she knows that she will.


	8. I'm Not Going Anywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A short chapter to bring in the new year! Happy 2017! Love you guys!

They still have the makeshift wheelchair they got from Jabba’s and they use that to help her get off of the Falcon as opposed to letting her lean on Han as they tried to make their way through the crowd to get to Cassian and Kaytoo.

  
They don't talk much as he wheels her towards the rebel ship. So it leaves Jyn alone with her thoughts. She knows that what Han said is true, she does have feelings for Cassian, and it would be right to act on them, but she can't help but be afraid. What if she loses him like she's lost everyone else? What if he decides that he doesn't have feelings for her the way she does for him? So many things could go wrong, but she's trying her best to be brave because Han has a point. There's no use for her to be so numb all of the time. Either way, she won't avoid pain. Either she's leaving or someone else is leaving. She might as well enjoy things while she can.

  
As they approach the ship, Cassian steps off and smile at her, and she feels like her heart does a backflip inside of her chest. It's such a simple gesture, why does it affect her so much?

  
“Feeling any better?” Cassian asks, looking down at her.

  
“I suppose,” she answers. “I’d feel a lot better if I could walk, but I'm sure I’ll manage.”

  
“At least you're alive,” Han says, rolling her up the ramp and onto the ship, not bothering to greet Cassian as he does so. “Where are the bunks? Is she going to need help?”

  
“Yes, I think you’ll have to lift her down to me,” Cassian says. “There's a ladder that leads down to the bunks. I don't see another way.”

  
“Fair enough,” Han says, offering to help Jyn up, slinging his arm around her as she stands up on her one good leg. “Alright, spitfire. Let's get you comfortable.”

  
Cassian is already making his way down the ladder, and Jyn looks over at Han. “You’re leaving after this?”

  
“Got a job offer,” he says, giving her a gentle squeeze. “But I’ll be in touch. You can count on that.”

  
“You had better,” she says, giving him her best smile. “I've missed you.”

  
“I know,” he says, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I missed you, too, spitfire. Remember what I said.”

  
She nods and they say their goodbyes before Han lowers her down to Cassian as carefully as possible and she nearly collapses into Cassian’s arms as she stumbles for her balance. Her hands rest against his chest and her eyes flicker up to meet his and for a moment she thinks that they might kiss again, but they don't. He gently backs her over to the bunk, making sure she can swing her splinted leg onto it.

  
He clears his throat, before he decides to speak. “I should...get the ship going. Use the comlink if you need anything.”

  
Before Jyn can protest, before Jyn can tell him that she wants to talk, he's disappeared back up the ladder. She hears Han mutter a goodbye before he leaves the ship and she hears chatter between Cassian and Kaytoo that she can't quite make out. She knows she should try and get some sleep, but it seems so far away. And the aching in her leg is something she’s sure will keep her awake.

  
She can't wait to be back at the base, to have pain medication, for her leg to be healed. She can already tell the next two days aren't going to be very fun. She's going to have to call on Cassian every time she needs to even go to the ‘fresher. She doesn't like relying on anyone for anything, much less someone she can't even admit her feelings for. She wants to talk to him about the kiss, about what happened, but she knows that now isn't the time.

  
But she keeps thinking about what Han said. She can hardly believe that he's the one to give her relationship advice. As far as she knows, he's never been in love, and she and Chewie are the only ones he really cares about. When she thinks about it, he didn't really give her relationship advice, he just told her to let her guard down a little, to stop being so numb. And that's solid advice. She really does need to stop shutting everything away.

  
She likes to believe she left she emotions at the bottom of that bunker that Saw left her in, but she knows it's not true. She cares so much. About Han, about Leia, about Cassian. She knows it’s foolish, but she can't just stop. She let them climb over the walls that she built when she usually shoots intruders down.

  
She reaches into her shirt and pulls out her necklace again, looking down at the crystal as she twists it between her fingers. Her mother wouldn't want her to be numb, and she doesn't think her father would either. But it's hard to tell what her father would want. She supposes that she never really knew him. Not the way she thought she did.

  
“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”

  
“I understand.”

  
Even now she doesn't understand. How was he protecting her? By leaving her behind and giving her abandonment issues? Was he just working for the Empire now because he doesn't want her to get hurt?

  
Her mind is a mess of stars and blackholes. She’s either tumbling headfirst into constellations of thoughts of things that could be or being sucked into the darkest recesses of her mind. Somewhere between the edge of the galaxy and the bottom of an endless abyss, she drifts off to sleep.

  
***

  
She wakes with a start when she hears a clanking sound against the metal steps of the ladder. She jerks into a sitting position from her current state, trying her best to ignore the shooting pain in her leg as she does so.

  
“Oh, goodie,” Kaytoo says as he steps off the ladder and looks at her. “You're awake. I was hoping I wouldn't have to engage you in conversation.”

  
Jyn scowls. What does the damn droid have against her? She hasn't done anything to him and he just seems to hate her. Well, it makes things easier for Jyn. One less sentient being that she has to care about.

  
“Cassian sent you to check on me?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

  
“He is currently piloting the ship,” Kaytoo says, walking over to Cassian’s bunk in order to look for something. “But he's quite worried about you. For what reason I don't know.”

  
“Then why didn't he come and check on me himself?”

  
“Like I said, he's currently piloting the ship, and I think he's still jealous of Han Solo,” Kaytoo says as he heads back to the ladder.

  
“Did he say that?”

  
“No, not in so many words, but I could tell,” Kaytoo says as he starts climbing back up to the upper level of the ship. He pauses near the top and looks back down at her. “He did say your kissing was adequate though.”

  
Jyn is left sitting in the dim light of the bunk room, mouth hanging slightly open.

  
***   
Kaytoo’s words keep playing over in her head. Adequate? Had that been his exact word? If so, what had she done wrong?

  
She should be less worried about what he thinks of her kissing, and what she should say to him when they finally get to talk. But think about talking with him makes her feel nervous. She's never had to face something like this before. She's kissed people before of course, but she never really felt anything for them. She's still not sure how to define what she feels for Cassian. It's all new and foreign to her. She's never wanted to let anyone close to her, it always happened by chance, but she finds herself wanting to let Cassian just waltz into her life and hoping that he never leaves.

  
She sighs as she shifts a little, trying her best to get comfortable, but it's not exactly easy when she has to keep her leg propped up. She wants to turn onto her side, but she can't, so she sinks down into the pillows and lets her eyes shut.

  
It’s not even a few moments later when she hears footsteps above her and a clinking on the ladder. She's not surprised to see Cassian. It must be pretty late, and he must be tired. It’s been a long day. But she still thinks they should talk about the kiss. But Cassian barely even looks at her as he crosses over to his bunk and slips off his boots. He climbs in without looking back and pulls the covers over him.

  
“Cassian?” she says softly.

  
Is he that hurt? He was talking to her this morning and after the incident at Jabba’s but maybe that was because he was worried, maybe since then he has decided that kissing her was a mistake and he wants to forget all about it. He would be right to believe it was a mistake. They have other things they should be worrying about than how the other feels, but she can't stop herself from wondering what could be, and Han’s words are resonating with her more than anything else he's ever said to her.

  
When he doesn't respond, she tries again. She knows for a fact that he's not asleep. He’s only been down here for two minutes and has barely been laying down for one. He doesn't answer again and she decides that two can play at that game.

  
She pushes herself up from the bed, being careful not put any weight on her broken leg. But it's tempting. She just keeps reminding herself how much it will hurt if she does and how many more round in the bacta tank she’ll have to take.

  
“Fine,” she mutters, acting as if she has to go to ‘fresher. “Guess I’ll just do it myself.”

  
She lets go of the bed and starts trying to hop towards the small room at the back of the bunks, but she stumbles, and thankfully Cassian has already gotten out of bed and he manages to catch her in his arms.

  
Unlike earlier, he keeps her there, holding her close and she wraps her arms around him in return. She leans against him, trying to take some relief off one of her legs and because it feels right. Being in his arms like this feels safe. She’s never experienced anything quite like this before.

  
“Why didn't you say you needed help?” he asks softly, a hand ghosting up and down her back.

  
“You weren't even answering when I said your name,” she says, not bothering to pull away and look at him.

  
“You care about getting my attention?” he asks, surprise evident in his voice. “But last night-”

  
“I know what I said,” she interrupts, and she's not sure how to continue because part of she still stands by it. “But I can't deny that I feel something for you. I've just...I need time. Does that make sense?”

  
“Not really,” he admits, holding her a bit tighter than before. “Try explaining it to me.”

  
“I've never had these kinds of feelings before,” she says, eyes glancing up to meet his. “This is all new to me. And I'm...scared.”

  
“So it's nothing I did?”

  
“No,” she assures him.

  
“Then what is it, Jyn?”

  
She swallows hard, loving the way his name comes off of his lips. She rests her head back on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. She's not the only one with her heart beating out of control.

  
“Everyone always leaves me,” she says quietly. She knows this is something she should say while looking at him, but she feels tears welling up in her eyes and she doesn't want him to see her cry. “My parents, my friends, Saw. Everyone has left me behind. Or I left them before they could leave me. I'm just afraid that you might leave, too.”

  
Cassian pulls away from their embrace, using one hand to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing away the stray tear that has slid from her eyes. If he's scared, he isn't showing it.

  
“I'm not going anywhere, Jyn,” he whispers and he captures her lips in a gentle kiss.

  
She doesn't try and pull away, she holds onto him tighter, lets herself enjoy the feeling of his lips, lets herself get lost in the feeling of warmth that spreads throughout her body.

  
She knows there's no going back now. Any chance she had of pretending she didn't have feelings for him is gone, and all it took was a simple conversation and another kiss. She's a goner.

  
The spark has been ignited, the supernova is destined to explode, but it's a slow burn. They will simmer in the glow of what they are until it burns out, until it crumbles away. But for now the dim light is enough to sustain her. It's all that she needs. Cassian Andor is all she needs. 


	9. I Was Giving You Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another short chapter. I promise the next couple of chapters will be longer. I don't like to make the sort of filler chapters very long. Anyway, enjoy!

He gives her the space that she needs and she's thankful. She has to work out what exactly she's feeling and how she’s going to handle it, but it scares her how quickly she comes to the conclusion that she wants to be with him, that she doesn't want to be without his kisses and the long embraces. But she doesn't know exactly how to tell him that.

  
The next day or so on the ship is quiet. She spends most of it sleeping and occasionally Cassian will come down to check on her, and he always leaves her with a gentle kiss to the forehead. Somehow she knows that it’s never been like this for Cassian either, and she knows he's never this gentle with anyone. She only hopes she can come around, show him the same. Because that's what he deserves.

  
She wants to believe him when he says he's not going anywhere. But it’s so hard to wrap her head around. Even with the sincerity in his voice and the urgency behind his kiss, it's difficult. But she does want to be with him.

  
She doesn't get to see him when they bring her off of the ship and into the medbay. They automatically prep her for the bacta tank and she's sure they’ll take her straight to surgery afterwards.

  
***  
When she comes to, she has no idea where she is at first. It takes a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light around her. When she realizes she's in the medbay, it doesn't take her long to remember everything that happened. Tatooine, the broken leg, the kisses. She looks around, wondering if maybe Cassian is nearby, but her eyes settle on Leia instead.

  
“Finally,” Leia says with a smile. “You've been or for awhile.”

  
Jyn sits up, realizing the pain in her leg has subsided a great deal. She even moves it a bit, and she's pleased that all she feels is a slight, shooting of discomfort. The bacta tank really works wonders.

  
“How long?”

  
“Well, you arrived this morning. Then after the bacta tank they took you to surgery. It took a couple hours, and you've been out ever since. It’s close to nighttime now.”

  
Jyn rubs her eyes, looking around at the nearly empty medbay. She's a bit disappointed that Cassian isn't here, but she's glad her friend is. She has so much to tell her.

  
“I feel like I've been run over,” Jyn says. She feels heavy and groggy, but she refuses to fall back asleep. They probably want her to eat or walk. She’ll do whatever they want. The sooner she gets out of here the better.

  
“You might until tomorrow,” Leia says, scooting her chair a little closer to Jyn’s bed. “They’ll let you rest a bit before they try to make you walk.”

  
She's glad to hear that. She reaches behind her and props her pillows up before falling back against them, letting out a soft sigh. For her first mission, this one was certainly eventful. She wonders if they’ll all be like this. Part of her craves the adventure, and another part hopes that some of them might be a bit calmer.

  
“What happened?” Leia asks, looking at Jyn. She's almost sure that Leia can see the exhaustion on her face. “They wouldn't really tell me anything.”

  
“To my leg? Or in general?”

  
“Both,” Leia answers.

  
“Well, we went and met my old friend, his name doesn't matter,” she adds the last part quickly, knowing that Leia would ask, but it's probably best if she doesn't know. She doesn't want to get on Bail’s bad side. “And he took us to Jabba’s palace. We had to go on foot. Jabba doesn't like a lot of air traffic. And things got...strange.”

  
“How so?”

  
“My friend and I are close. Really close and I guess that showed. And Cassian was acting bothered by it. I didn't think much of it until I overheard him asking my friend just how close we had been.”

  
Leia’s eyes widen in surprise. “Cassian Andor? Cassian asked that question?”

  
“Leia, he opened up to me so much on this mission,” Jyn say. She's still trying to process it all. “I...I don't know how to tell you this. But we kissed. More than once.”

  
“You're making this up,” Leia says in disbelief. “You kissed?”

  
Jyn nods, her eyes darting around to make sure that no one else is listening. “And the thing is, I care about him. I think I want to be with him, but I told him I needed time to think. And he's giving me my space, but I think he's giving me a bit too much.”

  
“This is the last thing I expected you to tell me,” Leia admits. Her face still shows nothing but surprise and Jyn can't say that she blames her.

  
“Me too,” Jyn admits. “I mean, Jabba’s palace was interesting and I broke my leg running from a rancor, but this almost seemed more important.”

  
“Since you're still so confused about all of this, I really hate to tell you about your next mission,” Leia says.

  
“They already gave us another mission?”

  
Leia nods. “They said you should be out in a couple of days, and the mission is at the end of the week.”

  
“What is it?”

  
Leia takes a deep breath. “Well, my birthday party. It's always been a huge event on Alderaan. My parents always made it so. Ever since I understood what my birthday was. And well, a lot of important people from around the galaxy always show up, so we’re obviously expecting some Imperial Officers. We need you and Cassian to go undercover and get information from them. Our intel says they have vital information about Vader.”

  
“That doesn't sound too hard,” Jyn says, but she pauses. “What's the catch?”

  
“We have you posing as a couple,” Leia admits. Considering the circumstances, Jyn almost thinks Leia’s making it up, but she can tell by the look on Leia’s face that she isn't.

  
“You're kidding,” Jyn groans as she buries her face in her hands.

  
“Maybe it’ll help,” Leia offers. Jyn can tell she's trying her best to be comforting, but she doesn't know if anything could do that right now.

  
“I can't believe this is happening,” Jyn says. “How did I even develop feelings for him?”

  
“You two do spend a lot of time together,” Leia says, almost like it should be obvious. “And you do get along. I'm really not surprised. I'm more shocked that either of you acted on it.”

  
“So am I,” Jyn admits with a long sigh. “Leia, I have no idea how any of this is supposed to work. And what if I compromise the mission trying to figure it out?”

  
“You won't,” Leia assures her and Jyn wishes she could believe her.

  
***

  
The next few days pass by agonizingly slow. Jyn spends her time either asleep or walking. She goes one more round in the bacta tank the day after her surgery and then it’s mostly smooth sailing.

  
Cassian doesn't stop by, much to her disappointment. She thinks about that night on the ship often, the way he promises her that he wants going anywhere. She wants to believe him, but where is he now?

  
Leia drops by with some of her people, they measure her for a dress that she’ll have to wear for the party. Everything is going to have to very believable. She knows that for sure. If they're going to pull this off, they will have to play the part practically perfectly.

  
When she's finally released from the medbay, the mission is the next day. They have a briefing with Mon Mothma and it's the first time she sees Cassian since getting back from Tatooine. They don't really have time to talk. They are told about the mission and what will be expected of them. They are given identities to portray as well. They give Jyn one of her old aliases. Tanith Pontha. It's the only one of her identities that doesn't have a criminal record among the Empire. Cassian is given the name Alon Jade, and they're both supposedly from Coruscant and Tanith is one of Leia’s friends from school. This mission won't be easy, especially given that Cassian seems to not even want to speak to her. But she's determined to make it work.

  
She doesn't sleep well that night. She keeps thinking about Cassian, and the way he’s been acting. Does he want her to approach him? None of this makes any sense to Jyn. Maybe Cassian is unsure how act in this kind of situation as well. That's what she keeps telling herself and it makes her feel enough comfort to drift off to sleep for a couple hours.

  
The trip to Alderaan is short and the ship is crowded. Bail picked them up in his private ship on the way. Cassian disappears almost as soon as they get there and Jyn is escorted to Leia’s room with her friend to get ready.

  
“Cassian still not speaking to you?” Leia asks as the door closes behind them. And Jyn nods.

  
“Do you know why?”

  
“I think he wants me to approach him first,” Jyn admits. “Since I'm the one that said I needed time.”

  
“Are you going to try and talk to him before or after the mission?”

  
“If I knew where he was, I'd talk to him now,” Jyn says. She feels nervous. She doesn't want her own foolish feelings to compromise this mission. She can't be worried about what Cassian is thinking about.

  
“He’s probably in the guest room down the hall,” Leia says. “I was going to do my hair before I started on yours. You have time.”

  
Jyn smiles at Leia and mutters a thank you before leaving the room and searching the vast hallway for the guest room on this floor. She finally has to ask one of the guards and he shows her to room without any argument. When he finally walks away, Jyn raises her fist and knocks on the door.

  
“Come in,” Cassian's voice says from inside. She takes a deep breath before pressing the button to open the door and stepping inside.

  
Cassian turns to greet her and she can see the surprise on his face. He clearly wasn't expecting her to drop by. Maybe he has given up hope of her coming around. And the very thought makes her heart ache. She would never want him to think she doesn't want him, doesn't care about him because she does. She can't deny that anymore.

  
“Jyn,” he says, and his voice is breathless. She gives him a weak smile.

  
“It’s been awhile,” she says. “I thought you'd drop by the medbay.”

  
“You said you needed time,” Cassian says and she can tell that he's resisting the urge to step closer to her. “I was giving you time.”

  
“I didn't think that meant you weren't going to talk to me at all,” she says, taking the chance and stepping closer first. “I just...I wanted to make sure we were okay before tonight. I wanted to be able to focus on the mission.”

  
Cassian smiles softly, meeting her halfway, his fingers come up to dance across her jaw. “We are fine. I promise you that. We can talk more tonight, after the mission. We can decide exactly what this is. If you want.”

  
“I do,” she says, stepping just a bit closer to him. She presses herself onto the tips of her toes, ready to steal a kiss and he's leaning down to close the distance between them when there's a knock on the door.

  
Jyn steps back quickly, startled by the sudden noise. Cassian offers her a little smile as he walks to the door and opens it, only to reveal Bail.

  
“Cassian, I just wanted to make sure you had everything you needed,” he starts, but pauses when he sees Jyn. “Hello, Jyn. I wasn't expecting you to be here.”

  
“We were just, uh, going over some last minute details,” Jyn says, edging towards the door. “Which we've done. So I’ll be going. Bye, Cassian. Goodbye, Mr. Organa.”

  
Before Bail can ask anymore questions, she tosses a wink at Cassian before slipping out the door and back to Leia’s room.

  
Leia is preoccupied with her hair at the moment so she doesn't ask many questions and Jyn is almost grateful for it. She thinks about Cassian’s fingers on her skin, about the way she was so eager for their lips to meet. When they talk later, she’ll know exactly what she wants them to be. And for the first time, the idea doesn't scare her.

 

 


	10. Dance With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here you go! I was so excited about this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy!!

Jyn has never worn a dress in her life. At least not that she can remember, and this one is much more extravagant than she expected it to be. But she's not sure what she was expecting. It’s the birthday party of a princess they’re attending.

  
She’s become so close to Leia in such a short amount of time that sometimes she finds it’s easy to forget that she's royalty. Leia acts much more like a rebel than she does a princess. But seeing her now, dressed up and playing the part, it will be hard to forget.

  
“How do you stand these dresses?” Jyn asks, adjusting the top of her own, before sitting down on the edge of Leia’s bed with a huff. “It’s itchy.”

  
Leia laughs, taking a seat next to her friend, smooth her dress out as she does. “You get used to it. It won't be itchy all night. I promise.”

  
“I can't wait to get out of this thing already,” she admits. She wonders if anyone will be able to believe that she’s friends with a princess, that is something she's used to wearing. Part of her is afraid that she won't be able to pull it off, and the other part of her thinks it’ll be too easy.

  
You're overreacting,” Leia says with a roll of her eyes. “You look beautiful. I should have helped you dressed up a long time ago.”

  
Jyn scoffs at this. “No, you look beautiful. You're a princess. I'm just..a rebel in a fancy dress.”

  
“Doesn't matter,” Leia says with a smile. “I'm sure Cassian will think you look beautiful, too.”

  
Jyn turns to face Leia then, and she's sure there's a soft blush painting her cheeks. She hadn't thought about what Cassian might think of the get-up that she's in. Her hair is braided elaborately in place of her military style bun, and her dress is long but clings close to her body, save for the slit on the leg, making it easier for her to maneuver. Leia’s dress is bigger and puffier than hers, but Leia isn't likely to have to fight and chase down Imperial Officers.

  
“You think so?”

  
“I can't believe you actually care if he does or not,” Leia says with a laugh. “You're so smitten.”

  
“I am not smitten!” Jyn exclaims, giving Leia a playful swat on the arm.

  
“Keep telling yourself that,” Leia says, laughing as Jyn crosses her arms over her chest and practically pouts. “You know I'm just teasing, right? It's okay that you care what he thinks. It's okay that you have feelings for him. Don't tell yourself otherwise.”

  
Jyn smiles and pulls her friend into an embrace. “Thank you, Leia,” she says as she pulls back. “I had better go and meet Cassian. I'm sure he's waiting. I’ll see you at the party.”

  
Jyn gets up from the bed, wobbling a bit in her heels for a moment before she heads to the door and down the hallway to the room where Cassian is staying. She knocks on the door as she did earlier only this time the door swings open to reveal Cassian, dressed in his best attire and looking more handsome than Jyn could have imagined. She feels a smile working its way across her face.

  
Cassian doesn't say a word, but she notices his eyes taking in the sight of her. His eyes dart from her face, down her body, and the length of her leg before traveling back up again. He swallows hard before his eyes meet hers.

  
“Jyn, you look...stunning,” he admits before mumbling something in Spanish under his breath. He seems more than a little flustered and she can't help but feel accomplished.

  
“Thank you,” she says softly. Her smile, she's sure, is luminous. She can't remember ever feeling such a rush of elation, and it's nice, content almost.

  
“We should, uh, we should get going,” he tells her, before extending an arm to her.

  
She takes it without hesitation, walking close to him as they head down to the party. They stop at the top of the grand staircase, waiting among other guests to be announced. She happens to catch a glimpse of them in a reflection of a mirror that they pass and it makes her heart skip a beat. She doesn't get a long look, but it makes her feel happy. It looked like they belonged together. Both of them dressed in their best, holding onto the other’s arm. It's like it’s meant to be and as excited as she is about this mission, she’s eager for the night to end so they can talk. If she wasn't sure before, she definitely is now. It's been so long since anything has felt like home, but Cassian does.

  
The silence between them is a comfortable one as they follow the line. She keeps a tight grip on his arm. Her leg still isn't completely healed. It still aches a bit when she walks, and she hopes she’ll be able to maneuver around without any trouble. It’s possible that she’ll have to run at some point, and she hopes that she’ll be able to manage.

  
“Now announcing Alon Jade and Tanith Pontha of Coruscant,” a booming voice comes from above.

  
“Ready?” Cassian asks as he looks down at her with a soft smile.

  
“Ready,” she confirms before they step onto the staircase and descend them to the ballroom.

  
Jyn still can't get over how extravagant the palace is. She had never let herself imagine a place like this. It was something she never had to worry about, or even cared about. But this is a reality now. She's friends with a princess and a member of the Rebel Alliance. She can't help but wonder what her mother and father would think if they could see her now.

  
Jyn finally lets herself look around at the crowded room of people. How are they ever going to find who they're looking for? It seems almost impossible, but her eyes finally settle on two men in the corner of the room. They don't look pleased to be here, and she wonders if that might be who they're looking for.

  
“Cassian,” she whispers as they approach a table. She nods her head slightly in the direction of the two suspicious men, and Cassian looks out of the corner of his eye.

  
“That must be them,” he says. “Good eye.”

  
“How exactly are we supposed to get information out of them?”

  
“Keep an eye on them,” he says. “We might be able to bug them if we can get close enough. We just have to make sure they don't catch on. Otherwise, we’ll cause a scene.”

  
She notices the two men are staring at them now, and she turns to face Cassian, pulling him in closer to her. “Would you mind going to get me a drink? I’ll stay here with our things.”

  
Cassian catches on quickly and takes the chance to steal a kiss from her. “Of course, mi estrella.”

  
He slowly pulls himself away from her embrace and disappears to find them drinks. When she looks at the two men again, they're not long paying attention to her or Cassian. But she's left wondering what exactly Cassian had just called her. It slipped so easily off of his lips, she knew that it was more than just for show.

  
She takes a seat at the table letting herself relax for a moment before someone is calling her fake name. She turns to see Leia approaching and she quickly gets back up to greet her friend.

  
“Tanith!” Leia exclaims, pulling her into an embrace. “I'm so glad you could make it! Where is Alon?”

  
“Are you joking? I wouldn't have missed this for anything,” Jyn says, finding it a lot easier to pretend than the thought it would be. It’s been awhile. She thought that might be rusty. “And he's around here somewhere. I sent him to get drinks.”

  
“Of course you did,” Leia laughs, clearly knowing how to play the game as well. “You've got him wrapped around your finger.”

  
“I wouldn't go that far,” Jyn says, a smiling growing on her own lips.

  
“For what?” Cassian asks as he returns, sliding a drink into Jyn’s hand, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he does so.

  
She takes the drink as Leia steps forward to embrace Cassian as well. “It’s good to see you, Alon,” Leia says. “I was just saying that Tanith here has you wrapped around her finger.”

  
“Oh, that's true,” he says, and she can hear the genuine tone in his voice. Cassian isn't doing very well at blurring the lines between the couple they are tonight and the couple the night be after.

  
“I told you,” Leia says with a smirk. “You two have fun. I’ll see you around.”

  
Leia winks at Jyn as she walks away to greet the rest of her guests, leaving Jyn almost in shock. She turns to face Cassian as she takes a sip of her drink.

  
“Anything interesting happen at the drink table?”

  
He shakes his head as he takes her free hand and leads her back to their own table. “No,” he says. “I think that they're trying to keep to themselves.”

  
“I'm not surprised,” Jyn says, noticing that he doesn't let go of her hand once they're sitting. She makes no move to pull it away either. She's not sure if it's for show or not. Either way, she's letting herself enjoy it.

  
She takes another drink, when Cassian gives her hand a squeeze. “Get ready,” he whispers and before she can ask, the two men from corner are approaching them.

  
They address Jyn first.

  
“Excuse me, miss. What is your name? You look...familiar,” one of them says and Jyn feels like her heart drops into her stomach.

  
“I'm Tanith Pontha,” she replies with ease, offering them a seat. She's surprised when they take it.

  
“Doesn't ring a bell,” the second man says. “Where are you from?”

  
“Coruscant,” she replies. “I’ve lived there my whole life. I spend a lot of time downtown. That might be where you know me from.”

  
“It is a possibility,” the first man says. “It's just...you remind me of a colleague of mine. Do you know a Galen Erso?”

  
Jyn’s heart starts pounding in her chest and she hopes that the panic that she's feeling isn't showing in her eyes. She always thought she looked more like her mother than her father, but perhaps that has changed.

  
“Never heard of him,” Jyn says.

  
She notices when Cassian lets go of her hand but the two men don't seem to notice when he gets up and rounds the table. She notices when he pulls his blaster out and presses it one of the men’s backs.

  
“I think it's time that you leave,” he says, his voice steady despite everything that's going on. He still manages to stay strong. Jyn swallows hard.

  
But the two men must be one step ahead of them. Because Jyn feels a blaster presses to her side, and she very slowly shakes her head at Cassian.

  
“Did you think we weren't armed, Mister Jade? Now I'm not sure who your little friend is, but she's coming with us.”

  
“I don't think so,” Jyn says, her strength and determination returning in almost an instant. She grabs the man’s arm, twisting it upward as the electric crack of a bolt hits the air.

  
There's a shrill shriek from nearby and she pushes herself up from the chair, and pulls the first man up with her, using her good leg to swipe his feet out from underneath him. She doesn't have time to stop and see how Cassian is holding up with the other man, but she doesn't hear the blaster go off. The man falls to the floor but grabs her bad leg, trying to bring her down with him, but uses her good leg to step on his arm as hard as she can and she hears a sickening crack as it breaks underneath her heel.

  
The crowd is scattering as the fight continues. She can hear Bail’s voice in the distance as he tries to keep the guests calm. He must know that this mission will be a failure now as well. They'll never get any information out of them now. The only objective now is to get them out of here without anyone getting hurt.

  
The man cries out in pain and grab his arm giving Jyn the chance to catch a breath. The guards are finally arriving to help, and they arrest the man writhing in pain on the floor, and manage to help Cassian finish fighting the other one.

  
Everything feels like a blur as the crowd dies down and Bail comes over with his wife to read them their rights. They’re being arrested for disturbing the peace. It’s really all he can do. They’ll be released in the morning and probably report back to the Emperor.

  
Jyn feels sick to her stomach. Do they know she's Galen’s daughter? Will they be out looking for her now? There's so many questions stirring around in her mind. She doesn't want to think about any of them, and she really can't, not until the party is over.

  
“Tanith, Alon,” Bail says to both of them and they come over to him. “I appreciate the help with those two.”

  
“It was nothing,” Jyn says, but she’s sure that her nerves are evident.

  
“Why don't you try to have some fun? I'm sure that..any reports can wait until tomorrow,” Bail says, a soft smile on his face.

  
She's thankful that he said that. She didn't feel like abandoning the party, calling the Alliance to tell them they've failed. She knows Draven will have something to say about all of this. And he’ll find a way to make it all her fault.

  
Jyn crosses back over to the table, picking up her drink and downing the rest of it in one gulp. She glances at Cassian, and it's almost like he knows what she's thinking. Her meets her halfway and pulls her into an embrace. She lays her head over his heart, letting herself relax in his arms. For a moment, she forgets about the men, forgets that they've failed their mission, forgets that the Imperials might know who she is. For a moment, it's just her and Cassian.

  
“Bail’s right,” he says as a hand rubs up and down her back. “We’ll worry about the reports in the morning and as for the other thing, I promise you we’ll figure it out.”

  
She nods, holding him a bit tighter. She doesn't want to leave his arms. She wants to stay where she feels safe. She wants to feel at home.

  
He doesn't move to pull away, he doesn't tell her to let go and she's thankful. She needs this, even if only for a moment. She's never trusted another person so much, never let herself care this much. She should be terrified, but she can't be. She can't bring herself to be afraid. And she doesn't want to.

  
Calloused fingers find her chin and tilt it up, and green eyes meet brown and her heart thuds against her chest again but this time in a good way.

  
“Dance with me.”

  
It's all he says. It's a simple request and for the first time she pays attention and hears the music wafting through the ballroom. She's never been much for dancing, but she sees the twinkle in his eye, and she can't tell him no.

  
She pulls away slightly so he can take her hand and she feels like she's dreaming as he leads her to the dance floor. His hand rests on her waist, and the other is wrapped securely with her own. She lets him lead, lets him guide her through the people around them. She's spinning, and breathing him in as he presses her close. She's not sure if it's the drink she had or if being this close to Cassian is what's intoxicating. It's like she's floating and she never wants to come down.

  
“So the mission is over,” Cassian says softly, his hand slipping from her waist to rest on the small of her back, pulling her ever closer.

  
She's practically pressed against him. There's less than an inch between their bodies and she likes it. She wants to be as close to him as possible. It's a strange feeling, but she doesn't want to ignore it.

  
“So it is,” she confirms, her eyes never leaving his.

  
“We can talk now,” he says, fingers tickling the exposed skin on her back. “If you still want to that is.”

  
“I do,” she confirms. “But you really want to do it right here? Right now?”

  
“Why not? No one is watching,” he says, tugging her against him, there is no space between them now. “It's almost like we’re alone.”

  
Jyn Erso has never been breathless over words, never been breathless when it came romance, but Cassian Andor takes her breath away and she never wants him to give it back.

  
“Not quite,” she says in response, a smirk on her face. “But I’ll humor you.”

  
“Thank you,” he says, keeping her close, bends to whisper in her ear. “So, have you had enough time to think?”

  
“I believe so,” she responds. His breath is pleasant as it skims her ear, and she feels her own hitch in her throat.

  
“Do you know what you want?”

  
She doesn't hesitate. “Yes,” she says. “I want to try this. I might not be very good at it, but I do.”

  
“Good,” he says, relief in his voice. Clearly he was not expecting that to be her answer. Maybe he was expecting her to run and she couldn't blame him. It what she's always done before.

  
“Just promise me one thing,” she says, her voice soft, almost timid. “Promise me you really aren't going anywhere.”

  
She knows she shouldn't ask him to make promises he can't keep, but she needs to know he intends to try. She can't stand the thought of him leaving. Not now. She's already in so deep.

  
“I promise,” he says with ease.

  
And this time, Jyn really believes him. 


	11. Not Afraid To Drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait on this chapter and I'm sorry it's not longer, but there might be...certain not safe for work things in this chapter that you're all looking forward to. Enjoy!!

Maybe she should feel bad that they spend the next hour or so dancing away their troubles. Perhaps she should be more worried about the fact that those Imperial officers seemed to know who she was, or at the very least reminded them of her father. But she can't bring herself to care. At least not right now. She doesn't know when they’ll get a chance like this again. They have so much to focus on when they get back. She's sure they'll be sent on another mission to try and extract the information that they didn't manage to get tonight. But that's okay. They have this moment and that's what matters.

When they get sick of dancing, they bid goodnight to Leia and Cassian leads her back up the grand staircase and down the hallway to the room where he's staying. The door closes behind them and Cassian’s hands find her waist as he pulls her closer and his lips find hers.

It's the first time she really lets herself enjoy it. She lets herself melt against him, arms slipping around his neck, pressing against him as much as she can manage. His lips are soft and it's a nice contrast from his scruff tickling her face. She could do this all night. Get lost in kisses and soft touches. She doesn't want him to let go. And maybe if she plays her cards right, he won't.

His lips leave her own and she almost protests, but they find the skin of her neck instead, and her head tilts back and her eyes flutter closed. She could get used to this feeling.

“You really do look beautiful,” he mutters against her skin. “You always do, mi estrella.”

There's the nickname again. Even though she doesn't know what it means, hearing it again makes her heart beat even faster. “Cassian,” she says softly. “What does that mean?”

He chuckles against her neck, bringing his lips up across her jaw. “Mi estrella,” he says softly into her ear. “My star.”

Her head is spinning. She thinks of what her father used to call her, remembers the way he'd call her stardust. This is different. Somehow it's different and she wishes she knew how to describe it. “Mi estrella,” she repeats when she can think of nothing else to say.

Cassian nods before bringing his lips to hers again, lingering only for a moment before his hands come up her back, dancing across the exposed skin.

“And you're sure?” he says as his eyes meet hers again. “This is what you want?”

She nods. She knows she should be terrified. She should build her walls back up and refuse to let Cassian climb over them, but she has a feeling that he’d find some way to knock them down yet again. There's no use in trying to fight this. Even if it's like jumping headfirst into an ocean. She doesn't know what she's getting herself into, but the water is pretty and inviting so she can't help but dive right in.

“Good,” he says as his fingers dance up her sides, up her arm, until his hand cups her cheek. “Will you stay with me tonight?”

She doesn't hesitate to answer with a quiet “yes” as he leans slightly into his touch. She's almost sure that her heart is beating hard enough to pop out of her chest and land on the floor. “I should go get some different clothes,” she says quietly.

“I'm not sure you will be needing them,” he says softly as his lips find hers again, and his fingers find her zipper. She knows he's right.

He tugs on the zipper and gently pushes the fabric from her shoulders, allowing his lip to travel down her neck once again, and to her now bare shoulders. Jyn suddenly feels like Cassian is over-dressed and her hands find the hem of his shirt and she starts pulling it up.

He only unwraps his arms from around her to take his jacket and shirt off, letting them fall to the floor. He pulls back to look at Jyn, his fingers grazing over her bare shoulders as he pushes her dress further down her body.

Jyn lets the dress fall to the floor, and she almost feels embarrassed to be standing nearly bare in front of him, but the way his eyes sweep over her, the way he lets out a low whistle as he takes in the sight before him, makes her feel much more comfortable.

“Eres tan hermosa,” he mumbles, letting his fingers slide down her body and trace over the side of her breast. “You are so beautiful.”

Her breath catches in her throat, feeling a blush blossom on her cheeks. She's not sure why she feels so shy. This isn't the first time she's been bare in front of someone, this isn't the first time she's given her body to someone. But it is the first time the person she’s with matters, this is the first time that it’s mattered, and she feels almost nervous.

His fingers come back up to rest under her chin and he tilts it up until her eyes meet his once again, his other arms wrapping around her waist as he draws her closer. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “It's just us. Let’s not think of anything else.”

He must think she's still dwelling on what happened at the party, but that’s been pushed from her head for the night, all that matters now is this moment. She can worry about the Imperials in the morning.

This time she's the one to close the gap between them, letting her lips move slowly against his, letting him pull her flush against him. She lets out a pleased sigh as their bare skin comes together for the first time and it sends a satisfying tingle throughout her entire body. She lets him lead her to the bed, backing her against it. Her knees buckle as they hit it and she sits down, scooting back as she slowly tugs Cassian with her.

As she lays back against the pillows, he hovers over her, hands skimming over her shoulders, her breasts, her hips. His hands are roaming and she could be content with just letting him touch her like this, but wetness is already pooling between her legs. She wants more and she hopes that he really does, too.

His fingers inch ever closer to the spot between her legs, as one hand rests beside of her head as he keeps himself steady. Her eyes closed as she enjoys the feeling of his calloused fingers, teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she anticipates his next move.

Cassian’s fingers finally move across her underwear, and her hips arch up to meet his hand. And she hears him groan, and mutter something in Spanish underneath his breath.

“You are already wet,” he whispers, running his fingers over her panties again. “For me?”

Her heart starts racing in her chest again as she nods, opening her eyes to look at him. “All for you,” she replies.

His fingers hook into the waistband of her underwear and he tugs them down, kissing his way down her legs as he slides them off. He climbs back up the bed, using his hand to gently part her legs and they fall open for him with ease.

Fingers find their way between her legs again only this time they work their way between her folds, and her hips move up to his fingers, and his other hand comes up to hold her hips in place.

“Cassian,” she breathes out, trying her best to move her bottom half as his fingers swirl around her clit.

“I like it when you say my name, mi estrella,” he whispers, leaning forward to kiss her as his fingers continue to work between her, one of them delving inside of her.

She says his name again, almost like she can't resist as her hand balls the blankets underneath her. As good as his fingers feel, she wants more than that, but she's honestly not sure how to ask.

“Cassian,” she whispers, reaching up to push the hair from his forehead so she can look into his eyes. “Make love to me.”

It's almost like he doesn't have to be told twice. He pulls his fingers from her center and makes quick work of getting his pants off, before sliding his way back up her body and settling between her legs.

Brown eyes meet green ones almost like he's looking for some shadow of doubt to be in her eyes, but she knows for sure that it isn't there. He presses his lips to hers for a brief moment before positioning himself at her entrance, slowly easing his way in.

The only sound in the room are the moans that escape both of them as he sinks into her. Her back arches off the bed and her hands move from the blankets to grip onto Cassian’s shoulders. She knows there's no going back now. She's in too deep now.

He starts to move within her, his hands rest on either side of her, a grunt coming from him. “You’re so beautiful,” he mutters again. “And you feel like heaven.”

Jyn whimpers in pleasure as he continues to move his hips, heart racing even faster as he does. Hands ghost down his back as his lips find her neck again, nipping softly at the skin. She's never felt so alive. Her body feel like it's pulsing with electricity, her heart feels like it’s hammering against her chest. She could get used to this, and she never lets herself get attached to anything.

“Fuck,” she whispers as his hips continue to press him into her, her fingernails dig slightly into his back. She feels like she has no control and for once that's okay with her. She’ll let her mind and her body do the talking.

Cassian smiles against her skin as he trails his lips up neck, over her jaw, and to her ear. He takes the lobe between his teeth as his hands slide between them to graze her breasts, he tests the weight of them in his hands before he gives them a squeeze, grazing his thumbs over the peaks of her nipples.

She presses her breasts into his hands, his name coming off her lips once again. With every move that he makes, every touch that he gives her, she says his name over and over again. Like a mantra, like a prayer.

He moans softly against her ear, and she moves her hips to meet his again. She's not going to last much longer, she can already feel her release building in her stomach, the knots are tying tighter and tighter and she's going to explode at any second.

Cassian must be able to tell because one hand drops her breast and slides even lower until his fingers find her clit and he works it between his fingers. And that's all it takes to send her tumbling over the edge. She comes undone around him, calling his name, nails scratching down his back. She's so lost in her own pleasure she she barely hears him when he follows behind.

Her breathing is heavy as Cassian presses kisses to her neck, jaw, lips, and eyes, muttering something in Spanish that Jyn can quite make out. If she wasn't a goner before, she is now. She wants to let him in, let him know more about her, but she's not quite sure how to do that, and she hopes that she can find a away. She’s never let someone in before, at least not for years. She can't remember how to do it.

He collapses on the bed beside of her, pulling her into a tight embrace and she rests against him, her fingers drawing circles on his chest. She's not quite sure what she feels for Cassian, but she knows it's far more than friendship and more than just a little crush. She's in deep and she's not afraid to drown.


	12. It Never Has

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: sorry for such a long wait for a filler chapter but I hope you guys enjoy! I have many things planned. <3

It’s the first night since she can remember that she sleeps peacefully. No memories of the past come back to haunt her, and even the men from the party don't come to her in sleep. When she finally does wake, her eyes flutter open, and they are met with Cassian’s sleeping face.

She finds a smile works its way onto her face and she leans forward and presses a kiss to his forehead. She doesn't want to disturb him, not really. She just needs to go find some clothes and come back. But Cassian stirs anyway, his eyes opening to meet hers, still heavy with sleep.

“Jyn?” he mumbles, his arms tightening around her for a moment.

“I'm just going to find some clothes, darling,” she says, pushing some hair from his face. “I’ll be back.”

He gives her a sleepy smile before letting her free from his arms. She presses another kiss to his forehead before climbing out of the bed, almost laughing when she hears a snore from Cassian.

She creeps to the bathroom, hoping that there's a robe or something she can put on. She doesn't want to crawl back into her dress from the night before. It was itchy and it would look rather suspicious if she was still in her clothes from last night.

The first thing she notices once in the bathroom is that her hair's a mess. Anyone that took one look at her would be able to tell what she was doing last night. She tries her best to smooth it down, but it's to no avail. The second thing she notices are the purple marks on her neck, and she tries her best to cover them with her messy hair. That's one thing she won't be able to explain away. Not that it really matters. She's not ashamed of what she did with Cassian. But she doesn't need to advertise it to the entire Rebel base and to everyone inside of the palace.

She finally finds a robe on the back of the door and slips it on, finding house shoes to go with it. She walks back out of the bathroom, past the snoring Cassian and opens the door, closing it a fast as she can without actually slamming it shut.

She looks around the hallway, thankful that no one seems to be nearby, and decides that going right is her best bet to finding Leia’s room. If nothing else, she’ll run into a guard that will tell her where to go.

She rounds a corner, only to snack into someone, thankfully not knocking either of them over. She blushes as she backs away and sees who it is that she ran into.

“Hello, Mr. Organa,” she says with a timid voice. “Good morning.”

Bail has a smirk on his face, a knowing twinkle in his eye as he looks at Jyn. “I was just going to wake up Captain Andor. The briefing about the mission will start soon. Where are you headed?”

Jyn’s sure that her blush only grows deeper. “I was trying to find Leia’s room, sir.”

“Just down the hall and to the left, the big door at the end,” he says, pointing. “See you in a little while, Jyn.”

She mutters a goodbye to the senator before practically sprinting to Leia’s room, knocking on the door. Leia seems to know who it is and tells her to come in.

Jyn shuts the door behind her, trying to catch her breath as she looks up only to see Leia standing before her with her arms crossed over her chest.

“You could have at least mentioned you were staying the night elsewhere,” Leia says, a knowing smirk on her lips.

“I thought you might catch on when I didn't come back at all,” Jyn says with a shrug, pulling the robe tighter around her.

“Looks like you had fun,” Leia says, stepping forward and brushing Jyn’s tangled hair away from her neck. “I can probably cover those up. If you want me to.”

“Please,” Jyn says. “I don't need everyone knowing that I slept with Cassian.”

Leia’s eyes widen and her smirk only grows bigger. “I knew it! I knew last night would be the night.”

“You sound like you've been waiting for this to happen,” Jn says, crossing the room to grab her bag, digging into it for fresh clothes.

“Oh, I have,” Leia says as she takes a seat on the edge of her bed. “Why do you think I proposed you two pose as a couple last night?”

Jyn wheels around to face her friend, nearly dropping the clothes she's holding. “You what?”

“You’re welcome,” she says with a laugh, clearly amused by the look on Jyn’s face.

“I can't believe you,” she mutters, stepping into her pants before letting. The robe drop to the floor and putting on her bra and shirt.

“You just needed a little extra push is all,” she says with a smile. “You're not mad, are you?”

Jyn thinks for a moment, back to last night. Back to soft kisses and gentle touches, to his hands ghosting over her skin. She can't be mad. Not after the night that she had.

“No,” Jyn finally says, unable to hide her smile. “I'm not mad. I should be thanking you, actually. Even though, we were going to talk last night regardless, about what we wanted to be.”

“And now you know?”

“And now I know,” Jyn confirms.

***  
Jyn didn't have time to return to Cassian’s room before the briefing. Leia spent far too long attempting to cover the marks that decorated her neck only to have them still on display by the time she showed up in the conference room.

Cassian comes in after she does, taking the empty seat on her left. He gives her a smile before focusing on the meeting at hand.

Mon Mothma is on the comlink and Jyn, Cassian, and Bail give her a quick summary of what happened the night before, including the mention of who Jyn really is. The senator doesn't seem surprised by this, and says they will find a way to deal with that once they get back. But she doesn't seem to think it's a reason to fret. Jyn’s not so sure. As fast as she knows, she's never been recognized before. She's tried to push the thought from her mind, but she really can't.

The senator also mentions shore leave. She says someone else will take care of the next couple of missions while Jyn and Cassian take a break. She's not sure she wants to do such a thing. Not after what happened at the ball, but part of her knows that Mon Mothma won't take no for an answer. But she's not sure that either of them really have a place to go. Will they just stay at the base?

Her mind is somewhere else entirely as they briefing comes to an end. She was so sure she would be focused on getting those men from the party last night, but apparently that's going to be someone else’s job. Not that she's going to complain. Her leg still isn't all the way healed and not having a mission will give her time to recover. And maybe it will give her time to open up to Cassian.

She's still trying to think of a way she can open up to him. What doesn't he already know? She's sure that the minute she got assigned to Rebel Intelligence that he got a good look at her file, but he doesn't really know her. Not that well. He knows about Saw to a point. He knows about her father to a point. But she doesn't even know how to begin just telling him about her life.

The start of who she is now began on Lah’mu, on the farm, on the dirt roads, on the beach, in the salty water. She’s never lost the essence of who she really was, of the girl that was so carefree. She may have had to start fighting to survive the moment that Saw pulled her from the bunker, and she maybe have built up walls when he left her behind, but underneath it all, she never really became someone different entirely.

Maybe that's where she can go on shore leave. She's sure that either someone else owns their farm now or it’s long since been abandoned. Maybe she can show it to him, try to make him understand how she became the person that she is today. She’s never wanted to let someone in, but it's different with Cassian. She wants him to know everything and maybe Lah’mu is a good place to start.

They board the ship and Jyn says goodbye to Leia. Her suspension is over so she won't be around the bast nearly as much. Jyn’s saddened by this fact, but tries not to let it show. But Leia is one of the few people in this world she can trust, and not having her nearby will prove to be difficult. But she knows this is just how things work, and at least she’ll have Cassian.

Jyn disappears to the bunks almost instantly, wanting to lay down. She and Cassian has a long night, an incredible one, but a long one, and she feels like she didn't get enough sleep, but it's clear that she won't get to sleep. Cassian follows her down, but she doesn't mind. She wants to talk to him anyway. Might as well do it now.

“Hey,” she says softly as he takes a seat beside of her. She reaches out and takes his hand, letting her fingers lace with his. “I was going to ask you, where were you planning on going for your shore leave?”

“I'm probably just going to spend it at the base,” he says with a shrug. “That's what I've always done. I...I don't really have anywhere else to go.”

“Me either,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I have a place we might be able to go. If you want to, that is.”

“Where might that be?” he asks, looking at her, a curious glint in his eye.

“Just trust me,” she says with a smile. “I think you’ll like it.”

She doesn't know how to say what she wants. To tell him that she wants to take him back to the start, to let him in. So this is close enough.

“I do trust you,” he confirms. “We can go. You’ll just have to tell Mon where we’re going.”

That's simple enough. Hopefully the senator doesn't have a problem with them going to Lah’mu. She doesn't think anyone would come looking for her there. She hasn't been associated with the farm since she was eight. She doubts the Empire would stick around for all these years, hoping that she might return.

She leans over and rests her head against Cassian’s shoulder, letting out a soft sigh as she does so. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous about letting Cassian into her life, letting him know who she really is. But she knows is the right decision. She can't remember the last time something had felt so right, and maybe it's because it never has.

 


	13. Until It Wasn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so sorry this took forever! Life got in the way! Anywhere, here is chapter thirteen!

It takes some convincing, but Mon finally agrees to Jyn’s shore leave request. She knows she shouldn't go too far from the base, especially not when those Imperial Officers know who she is, but she knows that both she and Cassian could use the escape. She genuinely thanks Mon Mothma for the approval. Not only does Jyn want to teach Cassian about where she came from, she thinks she needs to go back to Lah’mu. Maybe it will finally stop the dreams of that day. Maybe the bunker will stop haunting her nightmares. She knows it's a longshot, but she has to try.

She still hasn't told Cassian where they're going, and Kaytoo will have to come along to help him pilot the ship, but she doesn't see him being much of a problem. She surely hopes so, anyway. She's not sure she could put up with the droid’s acidic remarks the whole trip.

The ship is ready to go by the time she arrives and she climbs onto it, looking around. It's the usually ship they take, and she's thankful for that. She’ll be More comfortable that way and she's sure Cassian will, too. Cassian climbs in after her, offering her a smile.

“Good morning, mi estrella,” he says, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek. “Are you finally going to tell me where we are going or will that remain a secret until we get there?”

“I suppose I could tell you now,” she teases a bit. “But what where would the fun be in that?”

Cassian chuckles, shaking his head as he looks through his bag to make sure he has everything. “I'm very curious. You should be nice and tell me.”

She lets out an exaggerated sigh as she glances over at him, a small grin on her face. “Fine, I’ll tell you,” she says. “Lah’mu.”

“Lah’mu? Isn't that where you're from?”

“I see you remember reading my file,” she replies, looking through her own bag now. “Yes. I thought it would be nice to take you there. Let you in a bit.”

Cassian stops what he's doing to look at Jyn now. His smile is gentle, small, but there. He reaches out his hand to brush a strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

“That sounds wonderful,” he says, and she can tell that he means it.

Part of her was worried that he might say no, that it would end up being just a silly idea that she had after a frivolous night on Alderaan. But that’s just her mind playing trick on her. Cassian has wanted more from this since the beginning. It was Jyn that needed more time. It was always Jyn that was pushing him away. Ever since their first kiss on Tatooine, she’s the one that kept him at arm's distance. He was even the first to open up to her. He told her about his sisters even though she knows that can't have been easy for him. And this isn’t easy for her. She’s spent her whole life building up walls, but that night was enough to confirm that for her, Cassian is worth the risk that she’s going to have to take to make this work.

She doesn’t really know where to begin. She’s not sure how much is in her file, how much Cassian knows and has been kind enough not to mention until she’s ready. But she can start from the beginning. Some of her earliest memories are before Lah’mu but Cassian doesn’t really need to hear about Coruscant. What really happened there? She can’t be sure. She’s spent night after night reliving the fuzzy memories but she can never quite remember the way she’s supposed to. She remembers bits and pieces. She remembers the man in white, she remembers her father’s hugs and his promises of protection. But that’s it, really. She can make out faint whispers of her parents arguing in the hallway. But never enough to make a whole memory.

Lah’mu is really where it all began and she’s going to start from the beginning. She knows that she could probably tell Cassian about herself without dragging him back to her home planet, but this trip isn’t just so she can open up to him. She feels like she needs to go back. She doesn’t think she can put it behind her without going there one last time. And showing Cassian things is almost easier than telling him.

The trip to Lah’mu won't be a very long one. It’s about a day’s travel from Yavin. She's glad they won't be stuck on the ship for longer than twenty-four hours. Kaytoo hasn't taken well to their relationship. Not really. He seems to think that Cassian can do better than her and part of her has to agree with that. When they get down to the core of it, Jyn is a nobody, a common criminal who only joined the Rebellion to save her own skin and for her own reasons. At least Cassian has reason to be here. He lost his sisters and maybe his parents to the fiery fights of this war. Jyn feels almost foolish when she thinks about how different their reasonings are for being here.

That night, she and Cassian sleep in a cramped bunk, pressed as close to each other as possible, but Jyn’s night isn't peaceful. She’s nervous about going back to the Lah’mu, back to the farm, back to where everything changed. And ever since the thought that she might not be good enough for man nestled next to her entered her brain, it hasn't left. And she keeps thinking about those men from Alderaan. They wouldn't think to look on Lah’mu, would they?

She wakes up several times throughout the night, finally giving up on sleep and letting her gaze rest on Cassian. He seems to be sleeping peacefully, but she can't be sure. She wonders what thoughts haunt his memories, what nightmares plague his slumbers. She knows that if they're serious about giving this a shot, that the baggage they’re both carrying has to be sat down, the have to share their loads with each other. The thought terrifies her, but she's never wanted to open up to someone the way she wants to open up to Cassian. It seems almost foolish, but she can't help it. There's something about him. She's felt a pull to him since the moment that she met him and she's only just now starting to understand it.

Sleep finally finds her in the early hours and when she does wake, Cassian is stirring beside of her. She opens her groggy eyes, stretching her arms over her head the best that she can. They exchange a quick kiss before getting up and dressing in a comfortable silence, Cassian climbs up before she does to help Kaytoo with the ship, leaving Jyn rubbing at her eyes and trying to will away the urge to go back to sleep.

She finally follows Cassian up the ladder and crosses over to her bag, digging into its depths to make sure she didn't forget anything. Everything seems to be in order. She doesn't think that they’ll be coming back to the ship until they’re ready to return to base.

“We’re almost there,” Cassian says. “If you gave us the right coordinates that is.”

His tone is teasing but Jyn still rolls her eyes, smirking a little to herself. “No. I purposely told you the wrong ones. I thought you might be able to find it on your own.”

Cassian practically snorts and Kaytoo makes what sounds like a noise of disgust. She’s sure the droid will come around. At least she can only hope. Kaytoo is Cassian’s friend, after all. She would like the approval. But she's not counting on it.

She shoulders her bag as the ship enters the planet’s atmosphere, and the sight nearly takes her breath away. She had either forgotten how beautiful Lah’mu was, or her memories didn't do it justice. Either way, she's staring at it like it’s the first time.

The grass seems greener than she remembers, and she wonders if it’s just as soft. Her eyes scan over the beach, the waves lapping at the sand. She remembers walks with her mother, gathering shells and rocks when they had nothing better to do. She remembers her father playing in the waves with her, letting the water surround her legs, nearly pulling her under.

Her eyes finally settle on the farm. It's clearly uninhabited now. The building they used to call their home is falling apart. She can tell that even from the air. The pastures that used to be rolling, and green despite her father’s poor attempts at farming, are fading and unkempt. She feels her heart clench in her chest and tears pricking at her eyes and for a moment, she almost regrets coming here.

The ship settles onto the ground, away from the farm, and Jyn looks at Cassian as he gets up from his seat and crosses over to grab his own bag. He must see the look on her face because he reaches out a hand to cup her cheek.

“It’s okay, mi estrella,” he whispers, his thumb sliding over her skin. “You are not doing this alone.”

And it’s comforting. For as long as she can remember, she's been alone. Sure, she had Saw, and Han, but even there was a limit to what she would let them do for her. She's never really let anyone in. Han only knows the bare minimum. She told him as little as she could get away with, and in return, Han showed her the same courtesy. She's never felt this close to someone, and she's barely let him in. Is she going to be able to do it?

“I know,” she replies, eyes darting up to meet his. She softens underneath his touch and suddenly she doesn't feel like crying anymore, but her chest is still tight and it’s not as easy to breathe as she would like it to be.

Kaytoo keeps quiet. It's a first and she assumes that Cassian must have said something to the droid, and for once, she's grateful. She doesn't feel like smarting Kaytoo off right now. She's not sure she could manage it.

The door to the ship opens and Cassian steps out first, reaching out his hand to Jyn. She doesn't hesitate to take it, stepping off the ship, too.

The fresh air is almost overwhelming. She smells the grass, the mist of the ocean, the wet sand. All the smells bring back memories she’s tried her best to repress. This was a better time. Lah’mu was home, Lah’mu was safe. Until it wasn’t.

Cassian doesn't say a word. She squeezes his hand, thankful for his silence, glad he's letting her take in the moment. She never expected anything else, but it's good to know she was right. Cassian isn't going to rush her. They have time. For the first time since they met, they have time and she plans to take advantage of it.

She's not sure what to start. The farm, the house seems the most logical place. It might be one of the harder things to do, but at least they’ll get it out of the way. She opens her eyes once she's done breathing in the smells around her, looking over at her companion.

“Follow me.”

She starts leading him through the tall grass, through the fading pastures of the farm. She takes a deep breath before she starts talking.

“We came here after Coruscant,” she tells him, eyes focused on the house in the distance. “I barely remember my time there. My memories are fuzzy. I remember my parents, the man in white with a name I never bothered to learn. I knew that things weren't right once we got here. My father wasn't a farmer and we had an escape plan from the second that we got here. We practiced it a lot. My dad made it out to be a game, but I knew better.”

She glances back at him, and he’s listening intently. She feels relieved. Once it started coming out, the easier it felt.

“I knew that something was wrong. I didn't know what my father was running from at the time, but I knew it couldn't be good.”

They finally reach the house, and the door is broken. She lets go of Cassian’s hand to push it open, and her heart falls to her stomach as she steps inside.

The place has been stripped. A robbery? A search? She doesn't know. But no one has lived her since then. She can tell that much.

“It’s so small,” Cassian says, looking around at her childhood home, and Jyn can do nothing but nod as she steps further inside.

“It was cramped for the three of us,” she admits, fingers running over the counter tops as she steps into the tiny kitchen area. “But my father felt safe here, I think.”

She looks at the table, the space between her bed and the kitchen, the last place she saw her father.

**“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”**

**“I understand.”**

The memory hits her like a ton of bricks and she’s sure she almost sways on the spot. She grips to the table instead of reaching out for Cassian. She's not sure where he's standing anymore.

“The day they found us, I try not to think about it,” she admits, walking over to her old bed. The blankets are moldy and the few items she left behind are weather worn and falling apart just like the house. “I was by the ocean, throwing rocks, when I saw the ship. I remember running back to the house as fast as I could, but that wasn’t very fast. My parents already knew they were here.”

She can't stand in the house much longer. It's bringing back memories of her father reading her stories, of her mother humming while she made dinner. It’s bittersweet and a couple of tears make their way down her cheeks.

“What happened next?” he encourages. He knows that this is good for her. No matter how hard it might be to talk about, it's better than keeping it bottled up, locked away in a bunker in the recesses of her mind.

“Follow me.”

They leave the abandoned house. She's almost glad it’s falling apart. She might have been tempted to stay if it wasn't. Cassian follows her down a dirt road, and she stops. The last place she saw her mother.

**“You know where to go, don't you? Wait for me there. Don't come out for anyone but me. Trust the Force.”**

**“Mama-”**

**“I’ll be there. Now go.”**

Her mother wrapped the Kyber crystal around her neck and kissed her forehead. Jyn reaches up to her neck and her fingers wrap around the crystal.

“This is the last place I saw my mother alive. She told me to get to the safe place, to wait for her. She went back for my father.”

She turns to look at him, and his face is sympathetic. She thinks he knows what's coming next, but she continues anyway.

“Of course, I was stubborn. Even then,” she says. “I headed towards the safe place but something was calling me back. I followed my mom. Stayed hidden.”

She leads him back up the path, to approximate spot she was when she saw her mother die.

“I was laying on my stomach, and I watched as my mother as she crept up to my father and the man in white. My father must have told the man that Mama was dead because he was shouting something about her being back from the dead.”

**“You're not taking him!”**

**“No, of course I’m not. I'm taking you all. You, your child. You’ll all live in comfort.”**

**“As hostages.”**

**“As heroes of the Empire.”**

“There was a stand-off,” Jyn says, her voice breaking as more tears start sliding down her cheeks. Cassian’s arms finds its way around her and she leans against him.

**“Lyra, put it down.”**

**“You're going to let us go. You're going to do it because you're an egomaniacal coward. And I'm sure if your superiors let you live you’ll come after us again, and that's fine. But right now, we go free. Do you understand?”**

**“Think carefully.”**

**“You’ll never win.”**

**“Do it.”**

“I watched as they shot each other. The man was fine, my mother wasn't,” Jyn says, a sob escaping her as she buries her face into Cassian’s shoulder.

**“They have a child! Find it!”**

She finally pulls her face away from Cassian, reaching up to wipe her tears away from her face. “Then I ran to the safe place.”

They’re silent as they walk to the cave where the bunker is hidden. She walks over to the rocks, and pulls the hatch up, looking back at Cassian.

“I hid in here. It was hours before anything happened. The Death Troopers came in here but they didn't find me,” she takes a deep breath as he looks down into the bunker. “This is where Saw found me.”

**“Come, my child. We have a long ride ahead of us.”**

She lets the bunker fall closed, and she lowers herself onto the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest. “That's what happened. And I dream about it all the time. Think about it all the time. You're the first person that I've told all of this to.”

Cassian walks over and sits down beside of her, wrapping and arm around her and pulling her in close. “Jyn, I had no idea,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I know,” she says, letting herself cuddle closer to him.

She knows that this trip won't be easy, but the toughest part is over. She's told him about the very thing that still haunts her every day. She wonders if Cassian will be able to open up to her the same way, but she can worry about that later. Right now, she's letting her tears out as it feels like a weight is being lifted off her chest.

Maybe letting someone in was what she needed all along.

 


	14. I'm Already Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's been so long. I'm super sorry. Here's a smutty update for your trouble. Love you guys.

Jyn isn't sure how long they sit huddled in the cave, her face buried in Cassian’s shoulder. No matter how much she trusts him, she doesn't like anyone seeing her cry, or showing emotion of any sort. In her experience, letting them show has done nothing but cause more pain, letting people in has done nothing but leave her broken. She went from a child full of love and hope to a cynical woman who is afraid to let people on.

After Saw left her behind, building up walls seemed like the best solution. She formed a hard outer shell and let her attitude scare people away. The only person that managed to even crack her exterior was Han but there are things even he doesn't know and she's not sure that he ever will.

She loves Han and she trusts him, despite everything she believe in now, but there's something about Cassian Andor. She's found something in him that she hasn't had since she was a little girl in her father’s arms claiming to understand that she couldn't possibly. She's found safety, security, and warmth. She's found a home and she never want to go without it again. She feels comfortable, content, and that's something she hasn't felt in a long time. She may have felt like she had friends when she was with Saw but she never felt at home. Something stopped it from feeling right and when Saw left her in that bunker, she knew she was right not to feel security in a place that made her a child soldier.

Cassian has never really expected anything of her; after butting heads the first day of training, they had come to an understanding. Jyn wasn't there for the wrong reasons life it may have appeared on the surface and Cassian had no reason to distrust her. That day was the first time she has opened up to someone like that and later he head returned the favor.

They somehow both knew that whatever kind of relationship they were destined to have, that it was going to be different. She never imagined that they would become something more than friends, but here they are and she wouldn't have it any other way.

The silence between them is a comfortable oneX and she has no desire to break it. She wants to open up to Cassian while they're here, but she wants to make a few good memories with him while they’re here. She has few pleasant memories of Lah’mu. She wants to mix the old home with her new one. Even though she hopes that Cassian is the only home she’ll ever know from now on.

The quiet finally disappears when Cassian’s gentle breathing turns into a sigh, causing Jyn to look up at him with curious eyes. She doesn't even have to pose a question. Cassian knows that she senses the sorrow brewing within him.

“Do you know what made me trust you?”

She's surprised that this is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. She isn't sure what she was expecting, but it wasn't that.

“No,” she admits, her eyes never once leaving his.

“It was when you admitted that you were with Saw Gerrera. I read your file and I had all of these ideas about you and your intentions for joining the Rebellion. But the moment I knew you that you had been there...Saw is notorious for child soldiers. I was...I went through that, too. I just this fight when I was six. It was near the end of the Clone War and my father and sisters and I didn't have anywhere else to go and we were against the Empire. I saw my first combat that year. It was not much. We tossed rocks and glass bottles at Clone Troopers. They shot at us. It is a miracle that we made it out.”

Cassian pauses then and takes a deep, shuddering breath as the he relieves the memory. It's enough to make Jyn tighten her grip around him, wishing that she could offer him more comfort than she's able. All she can really do is be here. Nothing more. But maybe that will be enough for now.

“I had no idea.”

“I know,” he says, breaking his gaze from the ground to look at her once again, the hints of a smile tugging at his cheeks. “And that's okay. I don't talk about it much. But I've been in this fight a long time, Jyn. And when I joined, I had all of these ideas about what being a Rebel soldier would be like. I was sure it would be filled with glory and recognition. And it was, for awhile. I watched my father do amazing things, until he died at a military protest at Cardia Academy. That is when things started going downhill.”

He takes another breath, and she reaches out a hand to rest it over his, giving it a firm squeeze as she does so. It's all she can do. Being broken herself is one thing, seeing Cassian fall to pieces is another entirely. It's a pain she has never felt before and she doesn't like it. She would rather be hurting herself than to see him in agony.

“The older I got, the more I was involved in things for the Rebellion. I went on missions, joined battles. I saw more combat by thirteen than most people do in a lifetime. I want to make my father proud, to be half the soldier that he was, but I just felt like I was falling short. And I was.”

“How so?” she asks softly, letting her fingers intertwine with his.

He breathes in again, and the silence between them is almost tangible. “I’m not a good man.”

“Cassian…”

“No, Jyn. Let me finish,” he says, pulling his eyes away from hers yet again. “I wanted to be a good man. I wanted to be a soldier with honor and pride and dignity. Perhaps I have those things, but I'm not the man I hoped I would be. I've done terrible things. I've lied and cheated and stolen things. I've killed in cold blood. Good men don't do things like this. Those are not things to be proud of.”

At first, she isn't sure what to say. How can Cassian think that just because he's done questionable things means that he's a bad person? They all do what they have to do survive. She would think he would know. But this isn't about convincing him that he just needs to think things through. This is about assuring him that he's wrong.

“That's not true,” she says softly, only letting go of his hand to reach hers out and cup his cheek, turning his face so he's looking at her. “You are good enough. You're a good enough man for this Rebellion and you're a good enough man for me.”

His eyes are hazy with tears and she watches with an aching heart as one slips down his cheek. She wipes it away with her thumb, stroking his skin as their gazes stay locked.

“You never stop surprising me,” he whispers before closing the gap between them with a kiss.

She’s not sure who the tears belong to anymore. She's crying and so is Cassian and the kiss is soft and sloppy and a little salty, but it doesn't matter. It feels right. It always feels right.

When they finally break away, she reaches up and brushes the stray tears from her face before pushing herself up from the ground and offering him her hand. “Come on,” she says. “This whole trip doesn't have to be depressing, does it?”

He stares at her outstretched hand for a moment before reaching it to take it, and helping her pull himself up to a standing position. “And what did you have in mind?”

Jyn’s grin is almost mischievous as she he lets go of his hand. “Guess you’ll have to catch me to find out.”

She takes off in a sprint, clearly much farther ahead than Cassian, but just enough that he can still see her. She hears him laugh as he runs after her and she takes a left and runs towards the beach.

She can see the waves crashing in the distance and watches as they crest over the blackened sand. She remembers she spent hours on the beach with her parents, by herself. She's always loved the ocean. It's deep and dark and dangerous, and full of secrets but still so full of beauty and wonder. Going engulfed in waves wouldn't be such a terrible way to go.

She kicks off her shoes as she approaches the beach, ready to feel the sand between her toes, and as soon as they sink into the wet soil, Cassian catches up to her, his arms snaking around her waist, and his lips come into contact with her cheek.

“Hey!” she exclaims, trying to wiggle free from his grasp. “I still won!”

“I'm not trying to argue that,” he says with a smirk against her skin. “I just wanted you close.”

She could almost melt against him. Sometimes he says things and they make her heart race and her body feel warm and fuzzy. She thought feelings like that weren't real. That was before she met Cassian.

“No need to sweet talk me,” she teases, relaxing a bit in his embrace. “I'm already yours.”

And she doesn't mean to say it out loud, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off of her chest. Whether they had an official conversation about it or not, they knew they were something, but she was never quite sure what. Maybe this was her way of confirming that.

“I know,” he mumbles, trailing his kisses to her neck, pushing her shirt aside with his nose and letting his lips travel against her shoulder.

She can feel her entire body tingling, and she's brought back to that night on Alderaan. Where his lips found her skin, everywhere they could reach. She finds herself longing for that sensation again, but she’s afraid to ask.

Jyn breaks from Cassian’s embrace, and before he can ask questions, she starts stripping herself of her clothes. “Why don't we go for a swim?”

Before he can say yes or no, Jyn is bare and walking toward the water. She can feel his eyes on her and she's sure that her cheeks are flushed red. She's never been very sensual, so this is all new to her. Sex? No. Intimacy? Yes.

The waves lap at her toes and she closes her eyes, letting the warm water engulf her ankles. She could let the water pull her under and there was a time when she might have let it. But for the first time in a long time, perhaps the first time in her life, she feels like she has something worth living for. Friendships and Cassian. Maybe the future holds something great for her, for them.

She slips into the water, letting it wrap around her waist as she sinks into the depths of it. She turns around to see Cassian staring at her and it's almost like he's in a trance.

“Don't make me drag you into the water, Andor,” she says playfully.

This seems to bring him back and he strips quickly before following her into the water, sneaking up behind her and letting his arms find her waist, pulling her close.

“This isn't exactly swimming,” she teases, not really bothered by feeling her skin presses against his, and the water lapping at their skin.

“I don’t really care,” he mutters, nipping lightly at her ear as he works his lips down her neck once again. “You're the one that suggested a swim. I had other ideas.”

“So impatient,” she says breathlessly. It's very clear that his kisses have already had an effect on her. She doesn't care to admit it. She's far beyond caring. She's past putting up appearances.

His hand slides down her stomach and works its way between her thighs, and his fingers swipe slowly through her folds, causing a soft moan to escape her lips.

“It seems I am not the only impatient one,” he whispers into her ear, making sure his lips brush the sensitive skin as he speaks. “You could have said something.”

It's a chance for her to turn red again, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as Cassian’s fingers dance between her legs. “I wasn't sure how.”

He smirks, resting his free hand on her hip, letting his fingers slip inside of her, working her slowly, and she grips tightly to his arms for support. She doesn't exactly want to sink into the water like this.

“Fuck,” she breathes out, letting her eyes flutter closed as she leans against him, feeling his hardness press into her back already. The effect they have on each other is almost ridiculous, but she doesn't have the thought capacity to analyze it right now, or does she really want to.

She lets her own fingers travel below the water, reaching behind her and lets them wrap around Cassian. He hisses in her ear, bucking his hips forward and it's enough to make her smile. She loves that she can make him feel this way, and she's sure he feels the same about her. She has no doubt.

“I thought you wanted to swim,” he says through a strained voice as she continues to pump her hand around him, trying to keep her own composure as his fingers work inside of her and his thumb finds her clit.

His name escapes her lips before she coma respond to his statement. God, the fact that he can leave her such a whimpering mess so easily should probably embarrass her in someway, but she can't bring herself to care. Not now at least.

“The water’s not going anywhere,” she says softly, and they must be on the same wavelength because her hands comes from around him and both his hands find her hips as by help to turn her around. She hooks her leg around his waist and he sinks into her in one smooth motion, causing both of them to shudder and cling tightly to each other.

She starts to move her hips with his, gripping onto his shoulders as she pulls away to look up at him. The water is sloshing around them, and the waves are crashing behind them as they move with each other, gazes never breaking from each other's.

Jyn can already feel her release starting to build. It's not as if they are taking their time. It's not like the first time. This is almost desperate and with a purpose. It almost says “I love you” and for the first time that doesn't scare her.

It doesn't take long for her to come undone, and Cassian’s name echoes through the mountains as she calls it out, nails digging into his shoulders. And he follows soon after, burying his face into the crook of her neck and placing sloppy kisses to her skin.

She wanted to make more good memories here and she has to guess that with Cassian it won't be that hard.

She lets herself relax against him, letting not moving as the water dances around them. For the first time in her life, she has hope for future. She's in love and she just wonders how she's going to let him know. 


	15. It Just Makes You Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know it’s been a long time but life got in the way! I do want to finish this fic, however, so here’s a short chapter to get us rolling again! Love you guys!

Even though the trip to Lah’mu was short lived, it was something they both desperately needed. She finds herself feeling lighter, and more free. It's like a weight has been lifted off of her chest after letting Cassian in, and she's never been more glad to let someone climb over the walls she's built around herself.

They spend their time on the planet revisiting old haunts of Jyn’s, and making new memories. They make love in the soft, green grass of the farmlands, they dance on the beach until their skin turns as black as the sand they are standing on. She’s sad to see it end, but she knows that it has to. Maybe one day there will be time for their love to grow, but today is not that day. And it may not be for a long time. But for the first time in her life, she has a future to look forward to, and she's grateful.

She never imagined joining the Alliance would change her life so completely. She was skeptical at first and when she butted heads with everyone that first day, especially Cassian, she had wondered if she had made the right decision. But now she's sure that she did.

She wants to cling to the few days of peace that they've had, but there are more pressing matters to attend to and Mon is quick to remind them when they get back. They've barely stepped foot back on Yavin when they're called in for a meeting. And Jyn is pulled back into reality far too soon for her liking. It only takes a moment to remember those Imperial Officers that knew who she was. If they had their way, the Empire probably knows now that she's working for the Alliance. And that's bad. If they know she's with them, they’ll most likely hunt her down.

“Jyn, Captain Andor, it's nice to have you back,” Mon says as they step into the briefing room. “As much as I don't take pleasure in throwing you right back into work, it appears I have no choice. We've managed to track down the Imperial officers that confronted Jyn at the party.”

Jyn sits up a little straighter, exchanging a quick look with Cassian before her attention is back ok Mon. “And? We’re going after them, right?”

“Jyn, I'm sending you and Leia on this one. It won't be a very troubling mission and I'm more than sure that the two of you can handle it.”

She stops for a moment, knowing that she she has to think before she speaks. The last thing she needs to do is piss off her superiors, but she's kind of tempted. She hasn't been on one mission without Cassian. And what's he going to be doing? She's just about to say something when Cassian speaks up.

“Jyn and Leia? Do you really think that is in the girls’ best interests? Leia has never been on a mission like this and Jyn is still new.”

Mon turns to look at Cassian, clearly surprised that he said something of this nature. She knows that something is going on between them now. They spent nearly a week together on shore leave, it’s probably painfully obvious to everyone on base by now. In fact, she's sure it was clear to them all after the mission on Alderaan when she came into the meeting covered in hickeys. She doesn't care, but has a feeling that Mon might.

“Captain Andor, are these concerns stemming from what you think of their abilities or from your feelings for Miss Erso?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

Cassian opens his mouth, but Jyn can tell he's struggling to find words. He looks over at her, giving her just the hint of a melancholy smile before turning back to the senator. “Forgive me,” he says softly. “I am sure they are more than capable of completing the mission.”

Jyn feels like her heart sinks. She can tell he doesn't like the idea of this, and frankly, neither does she. It’s not just because she loves him and would rather them not be on separate missions. They make a good team, and they've already proven that more than once. Why is Mon splitting them up now?

“Now that's settled,” Mon says, looking back to Jyn. “Leia will be here within a couple of hours. You will be leaving to Coruscant as soon as she switches ships. Any questions?”

“Do we have any information I should know?”

“No. We have an approximate location of their whereabouts and it's up to you and the princess to find them and eliminate them. We don't need them compromising everything we've built here. Is that understood, Miss Erso?”

Jyn nods her head, trying to hide the fact that she takes in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. It's not as if she's never killed someone before. She has. But somehow this feels different. She has a really bad feeling about this.

“As for you, Captain Andor. You’ll be going to Jedha. We need you to scout out some potential recruits,” she says. “General Draven will be going with you and of course, Kaytoo can accompany you as always.”

He nods, affirming that he understands. “Yes, madam. I assume we’ll be provided with the files?”

“Of course,” Mon replies and she slides Cassian a datapad and he picks it up and begins to click through it. “I assure you, they are good recruits. I have intel on most of them. I would rather have your trusted, second opinion, however, Captain Andor.”

“Of course, senator,” he says with a nod, tucking the datapad underneath his arm. “Is there anything else we should know?”

He looks from Mon and back to Jyn and then at Mon once again. Jyn can tell that Mon clearly does not approve of their relationship. But she must know there is nothing she can do stop it, because instead of another scathing remark on her part, there is a soft sigh instead.

“Captain Andor, I assure you that Miss Erso will be perfectly safe,” Mon says. “She is more than capable of taking care of herself.”

Cassian nods, and there’s a small murmur from the small group of others that are gathered at the table to receive their missions. And for the first time, Jyn realizes, she can see it in his eyes, that he doesn’t care what the other people in the room are going to think of him.

“I am more than aware of that, senator,” he says. “But that doesn’t stop me from worrying.”

And before Jyn it even Mon can get another word in, he has taken the datapad and disappeared out of the door. Jyn doesn’t wait to be dismissed before deciding to follow him.

Cassian’s has a pretty good head start but Jyn knows where to find him. He’s on the ship, sitting on the bunk they’ve been sharing when Jyn climbs down the ladder. She climbs in beside of him and rests her head on his shoulder, and he immediately shifts so his arms is around her and his face is buried in her hair.

They’re silent for awhile, but it’s not uncomfortable. Jyn knows that Cassian will talk when he’s ready, so until then, she takes his hand and lets her fingers play with his. When he finally does speak again, and she isn’t sure what she expected, she didn’t expect him to say what he does.

“Jyn, can I ask you something?” he says softly, voice barely above a whispers, his face still hiding in her dark locks and his arm tightening around her.

“Anything,” she breathes out, wishing she could look at him, but he seems comfortable like this and she doesn’t want to disturb that.

He takes a deep breath before asking his question. “Am I selfish?”

She does break away from him this time she can look at him. She’s sure her eyes are wide and she has no way of hiding her surprise. “Of course not. Why would you ever think that?”

He chuckles a bit, but there’s no humor in it. And he brings up his free hand and wipers it down his face. “Because for the first time in my adult life, I was more concerned about the safety of one person than the needs of the many. After my sisters died, I know I couldn’t focus on people as individuals. I _**couldn’t**_. Not only did that hinder me emotionally, but my ability to fight this fight.I’ve lost everything. The only thing I had before you came along was the Rebellion and it was so lonely, but I was convinced it had to be that way.” He drops the hand that’s holding hers and moves to cup her cheeks, resting his forehead against hers, and the entire time his brown eyes glistening with tears. “But you have stars in your eyes, Jyn, and I didn’t mind diving into your galaxy, even if that meant I was destined to be a supernova and turn to stardust. But that makes me feel so selfish.”

It’s the most romantic thing that Jyn has ever heard, much less has said to her. Her heart is racing in her chest and for a moment, she’s almost too flustered to speak, but she manages to find her voice.

For a long time, Jyn thought that letting people closer was her issue, and that she was the bigger problem. The truth is, she was just letting the wrong people too close. She doesn’t feel selfish for finally finding people she cares about and that care about her in return. She does understand, however, why Cassian feels that way.

“No, darling,” she says, allowing her hands to rest over his. “It doesn’t make you selfish. It just makes you human.”

Cassian manages to catch a small smile before his lips find hers in a sweet kiss and for a moment, she is with him, and he is with her. They are together, and that’s enough.

 

 

 


	16. Capable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here you go! Jyn and Leia's mission! Hope you enjoy!

They sit in a comfortable silence for awhile before the realities of what’s to come are knocking on the door, and they are forced to untangle themselves from each other, and they climb out of the ship and Jyn turns to leave. She doesn’t think she can stand to say goodbye to him. That could mean something could happen, that one of them might not come back from one of these missions they’ve been sent on.

But before she can walk away, Cassian catches her wrist gently and pulls her around to face him. There might have been a time when she would run away from the feeling in her chest, where she might care that people are watching them as his lips find hers in the crowded hangar, but she can’t bring herself to do either.

Once Cassian pulls away, his rests his hands on her heels, and he looks her in the eyes. She feels the words she wants to say hanging heavy on her tongue, but they won’t fall off.

“Be safe, mi estrella,” he whispers before his lips brush her forehead.

 **_I love you_ ** , she thinks, but she doesn’t say it.

“You, too,” she replies and she gives his hand a squeeze, and he turns around to go back to his ship. She swears his eyes are swimming in tears.

Jyn feels a tear stream down her own cheek as she walks back to her quarters to wait for Leia to arrive. She knows it’s frivolous to be so upset, but being separated from the people she cares about has never ended well before, and she doesn’t know what she would do if something terrible happened to Cassian. He is the most important person in her life, and one of the few people in the galaxy she can count on. She can’t lose him. She can’t.

She plops down on the edge of her bed and untucks the Kyber crystal from underneath her shirt and she lets her fingers run across the smooth surface. For once, she isn’t taken back to the day her mother hung it around her neck. She’s taken back to a moment that occurred only days ago.

***

_Jyn sighs pleasantly into the crook of Cassian’s neck as she comes down from the height of pleasure, trying her best to even out her breathing._

_She hears him chuckle as his lips pepper lazy kisses against her skin and his fingers dance up and down her spine. She’s lost count now of how many times they’ve made love today alone, and she doesn’t really care. She could spend forever alone with him and never tired of his touch._

_She finally falls back against the pillows and she watches as he props himself up on his elbow to get a better look at her, his fingers starting to trace the features of her face gently. She closes her eyes to allow herself to enjoy the sensation, and she only peaks her eyes open when he stops._

_When she looks at him again, his fingers have found the Kyber Crystal hanging around her neck. She must have forgotten to take it off. They were in such a rush._

_“What is it?” she asks softly, eyes watching his features carefully._

_“Nothing. I was just wondering where you got it is all. I have seen Kyber only a handful of times in my life,” he says._

_“My mother gave it to me,” she says softly. “She had it her entire life. My father said they powered the Jedi’s lightsabers. But my mother always said that the strongest stars have hearts made of Kyber.”_

_He smiles at this, still toying with the crystal, his lips finds hers once more. “You are no exception to this.”_

_Jyn almost snorts, but she settles for a cynical chuckle. “I’m not a star, Cassian. I’m barely a twinkle. Joining the Rebellion was the best thing I’ve done and I only did that because the other option was prison.”_

_“That’s not true. Remember the day I started training you? You told me you had hope your father would be proud of you for choosing the right path even though he didn’t. You had good intentions coming into this, I see you grow brighter every day. You may not think you are a start, but I do. Your light, your courage, is going to illuminate the galaxy someday and I will be lucky enough to say I was close enough to see its beauty.”_

_***_

She swallows hard as she grips the crystal in her fist. She feels foolish for not telling him she loved him then, and she feels even more so now that they are going on separate missions. And she thinks she finally understands what her father was trying to tell her all those years ago. She’d do anything to keep Cassian safe. And she does mean anything. 

**_“Jyn, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Say you understand.”_ **

**_“I understand.”_ **

And this time, she really does.

***

Jyn isn’t surprised to find that Leia is more than ready to go. She’s been trying to get on a mission for longer than Jyn has known her. And while she hates that she won’t know what kind of danger Cassian is, she is happy for her friend.

From what she can gather, Bail isn’t thrilled about the mission, but he’s been outranked. And that makes Jyn wonder just how much Mon actually needs Cassian on the Jedha mission. After her comment this morning, she has to wonder if the senator has some kind of vendetta against her now. She knows it’s not against Cassian. He’s been loyal and a vital part of this Rebellion for too long. Maybe she thinks Jyn’s a distraction. Whatever it is, Jyn has a horrible feeling about the entire thing. She really hopes she’s wrong.

Jyn is quiet as they start checking over their equipment before take off. She’s cleaning a blaster when Leia finally speaks up and breaks the silence.

“He’ll be okay,” Leia says softly, reaching out and putting a hand over Jyn’s. “It’s a recruitment mission. We’re probably in more danger than he is.”

Jyn can’t help but smile a little. She’s very grateful that her friend is trying to make her feel better, but she doesn’t want to be a downer on Leia’s first big mission.

“I’m sure he will,” she says in reply, forcing a smile in her direction. “Cassian is perfectly capable of handling himself.”

Leia laughs a bit, fiddling with the blaster that’s resting in her hand. “That doesn’t mean you won’t worry. I know my father is a great man and incredible in combat, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry when he’s on a mission. Just like I know that he’s going to worry about me. Just like I worry about you. You always worry for the people you care about. It must be human nature.”

Jyn’s smile is genuine this time as she glances over at Leia. How does she always know she what to say? She’s so wise beyond her years and so very capable. She has no doubt in her mind that the two of them will be able to pull off this mission.

“I suppose you’re right,” Jyn finally says, looking back down at the blaster in her own hands. “Thank you. I feel a little better now.”

Leia just smiles and they continue to check their equipment in silence as the ship comes to life and flies out of the hangar and away from the Rebel base, into the vast unknown to head to Coruscant.

***

It’s bigger than Jyn remembers, but she doesn’t remember much. She was barely old enough to have memories of her family when they stayed in the city, but she does remember it being big.

She remembered the buildings towering over them as they walked through the crowded streets, the mysterious smells that always seem to find their way into places like this, and the atmosphere, almost like the people of Coruscant are in their own section of the galaxy, and they move at a different time and pace.

Leia doesn’t seem perturbed by any of this. She comes here all the time. He father is a senator and by now, Jyn knows that Leia is on her way to becoming one as well, the youngest ever next to Padmé Amidala who became a senator not long after being Queen of Naboo at only fourteen.

Jyn steps away from the window and starts to gather up her things. The drop off point is a hotel not far from where the Imperial Soldiers were last seen, and as tired as Jyn is, she’s ready to find these men. She’s had time for the fear of what happened that night on Alderaan to settle in. They knew who she was, they knew who her father was, and now they know she’s working for the Alliance. The fact that the Imperials knew even one of those things was bad, that fact that they know all three is even worse. According to Mon, they’ve been on their tails for the past couple of days and they just know they’re being watched because neither of them have attempted to send a message back to Imperial Headquarters. That’s a good thing. Hopefully they can’t stop the information they have from spreading. If word gets out that the daughter of Galen Erso is not only alive, but working with the Rebels things could end poorly for everyone involved.

Jyn slides her blaster in it’s holster and puts her jacket back on, trying her best not to overthink anything. If thinks too much about what will happen if they fail, they will. If she worries about Cassian too much she won’t be able to focus. So she takes a deep breath and tries her best to clear her mind.

She glances over at Leia who is bouncing on the balls of her feet. Jyn can’t tell if it’s because she’s nervous or excited, however. She reaches out and takes her friend’s hand and gives it a squeeze and Leia squeezes it in return. They exchange no words as the ship finally lands and they hop off the aircraft and start looking around. Jyn knows they’ll have to drop off their belongings off at the hotel, and she gives them one of her fake names, Lyra Rallik. She knows better than to use the same one they used on Alderaan.

After they’re in the room, Jyn sits down on the edge of the bed and takes another deep breath. It’s been the only thing that’s been keeping her steady and before Leia has the chance to say anything, she’s flipping on the datapad to look through the file.

“Okay, we have two Imperial Soldiers on the loose with knowledge not only about me and my family but about the Alliance in general. We need to find them and execute them before they can’t spread the information further,” Jyn says, giving a brief run down of the mission. “Their names are Jayden Cline and Burton Surface, but I’m sure they’re using aliases.” Jyn turns the datapad to face Leia do she can get a better look at their faces. “This is who we’re after.”

“Alright,” Leia says. “If they’re using aliases what do you think the best way to find them is? We can’t ask for them by name.”

“I say we pretend to be undercover authorities,” Jyn says, shutting down the datapad and shoving it in her bag. “That way we can ask about them appearance wise and no one will be suspicious until we get closer. Then we’ll know to keep a look out. That might include going to some seedy places. You sure you’re up for it?”

Leia nods, standing up and looking down at Jyn. “I’ve been waiting for a chance like this my entire life. I’m ready.”

“Good,” Jyn says, smiling a bit as she stands up as well. “Then let’s go, Princess. We have work to do.”

***

The streets are crowded and for a moment, Jyn is worried one of them might get lost. But they stick close together as they head into downtown, past the upscale bars and places to eat, and into the darker parts of the city.

They don’t get lucky with the first couple of people that they ask about the Imperials, but after a little while, they get a couple leads. They hang around a bar a couple streets over called _The Tilted Axis_ and they’ve barely left the past couple of days. One lady says they’re even staying in the rooms over the bar, but they won’t be able to confirm or deny that.

“I don’t know if we should go to the bar or not,” Jyn says. “They’re going to recognize us if we just walk in.”

“What choice do we have? We just have to...get it done. The long we wait, the more likely we are to be compromised,” Leia whispers, leaning back against the wall of the nearest building and Jyn knows Leia is right.

“Okay. Then let’s go.”

The bar is only a couple of minutes walk from where they are. Night is just starting to fall as they push the doors open and walk inside. Jyn is relieved that the place is packed and seems to be pretty large. She thought for something in the darker part of town, it might be more run down than this but it’s actually pretty nice.

“Come on,” Jyn says, gesturing for an empty table with her head and Leia follows.

“How are we supposed to find them in all of this?” she asks as they take a seat.

“Let’s let them find us,” Jyn says with a slight smirk. “I have a feeling it won’t be long.”

And Jyn is right. It isn’t more than half an hour that she and Leia sit at the table, talking away about whatever comes to mind when someone approaches their table and sits two drinks down in front of them.

“Compliments of the two men in the back corner there,” she says and she gestures through the crowd towards the table furthest to the back of the bar. Jyn can barely see to make out their faces, but she doesn’t have to in order to know who it is. The Imperials know who they’re dealing with.

Jyn picks up her glass and raises it at the men in the back and one of them gestures towards the two women to join them. Jyn turns to look at Leia who nods and they get up to go and join them.

Jyn can’t feel her heart pounding in her ears as they approach the table. These men know her father. They know her father well enough that they were able to recognize her on sight. She doesn’t know how to feel about that. Part of her wants to use them a little before they kill them, find out where Galen is and talk to him, but she knows she can’t compromise the Alliance like that. She can’t. _She won’t._

“Miss Erso,” one of them, Jayden, says to her, gesturing for her to take a seat. “We were wondering when we’d see you again. Where’s your boyfriend? He isn’t here to pull a blaster on me today?”

“No,” Jyn says, swallowing hard at the mention of Cassian. “I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself.”

Jayden smiles at her, a sleazy, slimy smile. “Oh, I have no doubt about that. What’s a criminal like you doing working for the Alliance? Wouldn’t your talents be better suited for the Empire?”

Jyn lets out a cynical laugh at this. “Please. Like I’d ever work for the Empire. I may be a criminal but even I have morals.”

“Really? I have yet to see them,” he says. “Pulling guns on people for simply asking you a couple of questions doesn’t seem very...moral.”

This time, Leia laughs and Jyn doesn’t blame her. “Don’t paint yourself innocent,” Leia says. “They weren’t the only ones with loaded blasters.”

Jayden looks from Jyn to Leia and then back at Jyn with a nearly devilish grin on his face. “No, they weren’t. And I assume we aren’t now either. But you won’t shoot us. One of you is a princess, and as you said, you have morals.”

“If you think my morals include not shooting scumbags like you, then you’re sadly mistaken,” Jyn snaps, hand moving slowly to rest on the hilt of her blaster.

“Oh, now, come on,” Jayden says, putting up his hands as if he’s innocent in all of this. “What would your father think of all this?”

Jyn tries not to let her demeanor falter but she thinks she fails because the grin on Jayden’s face grows a bit wider than before. “Nevermind what my father would think. I like to pretend he’s dead. There’s no use changing that now.”

And before Jayden can say another word, she nods her head and she and Leia both draw their blasters and fire off a shot at the pair of Imperials. Jayden must have been expecting that to evoke some kind of reaction out of Jyn because he’s ducking under the table before the blaster is even out of the holster and scrambling towards Jyn’s feet.

Jyn side steps away from him, turning her gun on Burton, but as soon as she does, she turns to see that he already has Leia in a headlock, holding a gun to the side of her head. Leia looks terrified and honestly, Jyn should but she knows better. She knows better than to think they’ve lost so easily.

“Put down the blaster and I’ll let her go,” Burton says. “No one has to get hurt. Just let us leave with the information we have and that’s all.”

“Oh, I see,” Jyn says, putting her blaster back in her holster for good measure, watching Jayden on the floor out of the corner of her eye. “You thought this was going to be easy. Leia now!”

And almost faster than Jyn can see, Leia stomps on Burton’s foot with her own causing him to yelp in pain and drop the blaster he was holding to the floor with a clatter. Leia then rears back and headbutts him and blood starts gushing from his nose and she bends over to pick up his blaster from the floor.

“You little bitch!” Burton roars and he starts scrambling forward to try and grab Leia but Jyn grabs one arm and Leia grabs the other and they flip him over and knock him prone. 

Burton groans from the floor and Jayden comes at Jyn from behind. Jyn is ready, however, and pulls out her baton and extends it before whipping around and knocking him in the stomach and bringing her knee up and getting him in the groin. For someone claiming to have morals, she _does_ fight dirty.

The groin kick brings Jayden to his knees and when he looks back up at Jyn, she already has the blaster to his forehead, and she cocks it. “I’ll see you in hell,” she says, and before she can think twice, she’s pulled the trigger, and he falls over dead to the floor.

Before she can even turn around, she hears another shot from a blaster and for a moment, she’s scared that maybe Burton got Leia instead of the other way around, but she looks around to see that her friend has disposed of the other Imperial soldier and they’re efforts have not gone to waste.

The bar has fallen silent, Jyn realize and all eyes are on her and Leia. Jyn folds her baton back up and puts her blaster back in it’s holster. “Nothing more to see here,” she says. “Next round is on me. Go back to drinking.”

Everyone seems satisfied with this answer and the waitress comes walking by with a tray of drinks like nothing ever happened. Things like this must be a normal occurrence at _The Tilted Axis._ Jyn is grateful that no one will be asking questions. She only hopes that things are going as smoothly for Cassian on Jedha.


	17. Time Stands Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: it’s been forever but here’s the new chapter! Enjoy! Thanks for sticking around!

Jyn has a sinking feeling in her stomach as she and Leia head back to the hotel where they are to spend the night until their transport comes back. There was the possibility that their mission could have taken much longer. They lucked out getting the information about The Tilted Axis. She knows not every mission will go so smoothly, but she’s grateful that this one has.

Leia must notice that her friend isn’t exactly in high spirits as they settle in for the night and Leia turns over in her bed to look at Jyn, who is looking at the empty spot next to her. Jyn hates to admit it, but she missed sleeping next to Cassian. And it’s only been a day.

“You’re worried,” Leia finally says. It’s not a question. Leia knows. Jyn wonders how she always just knows but she doesn’t question it tonight. She just nods.

“I really am,” Jyn says, trying her best not to let Leia hear her voice shake. She feels like she could cry, and that makes her feel foolish. Cassian is more than capable of taking care of himself, just like she and Leia are. But that doesn’t stop her from worrying. Jedha is a war zone. She would feel better if someone other than just Kaytoo had gone with him. “I just...have a bad feeling and I can’t shake it.”

Leia nods, turning over to lay on her back and Jyn watches as she looks at the ceiling. “It’s Cassian, though. He’s such a good soldier. He knows what he’s doing, and she’s been to Jedha before. He knows how it operates. He’ll probably be fine.”

“I know,” Jyn says, sighing softly. “It’s the ‘probably’ part that I’m worried about.” And she turns over onto her other side and bids Leia a good night before drifting off into a restless sleep.

***  
Her dreams take her back to Lah’mu but not to the pleasant memories she made with Cassian. No, her mind wanders back to that fateful day she lost everything.

She’s eight years old, laying on her stomach in the soft grass, watching as her mother faces off with the man in white. Her father is asking her to put down the blaster, but she doesn’t listen.

“You’ll never win!” her mother exclaims.

And it’s the last thing she ever says before the man’s troopers shoot her down, and Jyn loses not only her father, but her mother as well.

***

Jyn awakens in a cold sweat, and looks around at the darkened hotel room. She grabs the blanket off the bed and wraps it around her shoulders as she steps outside onto the balcony.

If she didn’t know any better, she would say that Coruscant was beautiful. All the shimmering curry lights are flashing. It’s truly a planet that never sleeps. She wonders why the Empire is so prominent here. Is it because the Republic senate used to be stationed here? Because this is where the Jedi Academy used to be? She finds herself asking a million questions she doesn’t know the answer to avoid thinking about the inevitable.

She’s worried about Cassian. In fact, terrified might be a better word to describe what she’s feeling. She knows that Cassian is good at what he does, and knows he’s been doing it for a long time, but she can’t help but worry. What if fate is cruel enough to take him away from her, too? She can’t bare the thought of life without Cassian Andor now. He’s her rock, her solid place to land, her home. She can’t lose him. And she hopes that the Galaxy is going to be kind enough to let her keep him. She knows she’s not the greatest person, hell, she barely qualifies as a decent person, but surely even she deserves to have one good thing in this life. She hopes the universe doesn’t take it away.

She watches the spenders pass by and the lights twinkling on the horizon for a while before she gets too sleepy to hold her eyes open and stumbles back into the room and onto her bed, and she’s pretty sure she falls asleep before her head even hits the pillow. This time she dreams of Lah’mu, but in an entirely different way.

***  
Their transport arrives early the next morning and they’re back on Yavin in no time. Leia has things to do and nods Jyn farewell before she goes to do them.

“Don’t worry so much,” Leia tells her as she pulls her friend into an embrace. “I’ll see you soon.”

Jyn smiles at her and tells her goodbye in return before heading to her quarters. She still feels sleepy after that mission and she stayed up too late worrying, so she goes to lay down and take a nap.

Just as she’s starting to drift off, her commlink starts beeping and she grabs for it and answers it. “Jyn, get to hangar. Cassian’s back.”

She doesn’t register who it is just that Cassian isn’t supposed to be back for another day or two. Why would he be back now? Had something gone wrong?

She quickly pushes herself up from the bed and doesn’t even bother putting on her shoes. She rushes to the hangar and there’s no denying that Cassian’s ship, but she doesn’t see Cassian.

“What’s going on?” Jyn asks to anyone who will listen but it seems the only person paying her any attention is Bail Organa.

“Jyn! There you are!” he exclaims, pushing his way through the small crowd so her can get to her.

“Bail!” she says, shoving some people aside to get to him, feeling a panic like she’s never known rising in the depths of her. “What’s happening? Where’s Cassian?”

Almost as if the universe was just waiting for her to ask, the crowd parts and a stretcher rolls by with Cassian on it, looking as if he’s barely clinging to life. His skin is much paler than usual, his face is covered in small cuts, and his midsection is bandaged but she can see blood soaking through. And all at once she feels like her entire world is falling apart and she could be sick at any second.

She didn’t realize that she felt weak in the knees until Bail is gripping onto her, helping to keep her standing. Jyn has so many questions but she can’t bring herself to ask any of them outloud, maybe because she’s afraid the answers, or maybe because she’s scared of she opens her mouth she’s going to throw up.

People are staring at her, but she can’t bring herself to care. She’s trying to find the strength to follow the stretcher to the medbay but she her legs feel like jelly. She feels like she can’t breathe. She keeps trying to suck in air but it’s like her lungs aren’t working properly. She hears Bail saying her name but she can’t make sense of it.

“Jyn!” he says again, shaking her a little and for a moment, everything is a little less blurry and she manages to focus on him.

“What happened?” she finally asks. Her voice is quiet, timid. She is afraid of the answer.

“From what I know, it was the Imperials. He was talking with some recruits and a bomb went off. He got caught in the blast,” Bail says, giving her arm a comforting squeeze.

“Is...is he…?” She can’t even bring herself to ask the question. She knows Bail doesn’t know whether or not he’s going to be okay, but she needs to know.

“We don’t know yet,” he says, his voice quiet. “They have to get him into surgery for the wound to his abdomen. Come on. I’ll take you the medbay. We can wait there.”

The crowd is murmuring as Bail leads Jyn away and somewhere, it sounds like from a distance, she hears Leia’s voice telling them there’s nothing to see and to get back to work. Jyn hopes she remembers to thank her later.

Jyn’s chest aches. It feels like part of her is being ripped in half, and she can do nothing to stop it. What if he doesn’t make it? No, she can’t think like that. He’s going to be fine...isn’t he?

She barely remembers the walk to the medbay, all she knows is Bail does most of the work and Leia helps him. She nearly collapses into a chair once they’re in the room and her head finds Leia’s shoulder. Up until now, she’s felt too numb to really feel anything, but now it’s hitting her all at once. Her eyes well up with tears, and she does her best to hold back a sob.

Leia wraps an arm around her and rubs her shoulder. “It’s okay,” she says softly. “Try not to worry.” But Jyn can tell by her friend’s voice that she knows it’s easier said than done.

The couple of hours that follow feel like the longest of Jyn’s life. Even longer than the time’s she waited alone in a dark bunker for Saw. She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to feel. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if he doesn’t make it out of this. She knows she has Leia, she has Bail, she has other people, but no one she connects with like Cassian. Cassian is her other half, and she used to think that phrase was frivolous until she knew what it felt like to be whole. She doesn’t think she can go back to being incomplete again.

The doors to the surgical area finally opens and Jyn sits up straight in her seat. She can’t read the doctor’s face and that terrifies her. What kind of news is she about to hear?

“The surgery was a success,” the doctor says to the small group, and Jyn breathes a sigh of relief that she didn’t know she’s had been holding in. “He’s in recovery now. He did lose a lot of blood. So it’s possible it could take him longer to wake up than it normally would. But he should make a full recovery.”

Jyn does let out a sob this time, and this time it’s because the tears of joy overwhelm her entirely. She buries her face into Leia’s shoulder and tries to muffle the sounds. She doesn’t want to make a scene.

“Miss Erso, you can see him if you want,” the doctor says. “I’m sure he would like you to be there when he wakes up.”

Jyn manages to pull herself together long enough to nod, wiping at her eyes as she stands up. She gives Leia’s hand a squeeze before following the doctor back into the recovery area.

Jyn hasn’t been in the medbay since she broke her leg and when she thinks about it, it wasn’t really that long ago. But it feels different this time. It feels almost ominous. She knows Cassian’s going to be fine now, however, so she doesn’t think too much about it.

They make their way into a small room, and Cassian is lying in the bed. She still feels like she could be sick at the sight of him. The cuts on his face are still there, and there’s a tube coming out of his throat. She feels an ache in her chest.

“If he wakes up anytime soon, just press the red button and we’ll be in to assist,” the doctor says and Jyn nods.

The doctor leaves the room and Jyn crosses it, grabbing a chair and sliding it over the edge of the bed before taking a seat. She reaches out and takes his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I know you can’t hear me,” she says, her voice soft. “But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

And she means it. She means it for right now. She means it forever. She’s used to bouncing around from place to place but not only is the Rebellion the only place she’s ever felt comfortable, she doesn’t want to lose Cassian. So even if her sentence is ever lifted, she’s not going anywhere.

She stands up and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I love you,” she says, and she can’t wait to tell him when he wakes up.


End file.
